Imperfections to one, perfection to another

I had to post this video.  I just had to.  It was so heartfelt, so simple, yet so powerful.  It's worth the few minutes out of your time, trust me.  Don't take anyone for granted, even the little things, no matter how seemingly insignificant.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mx9ocubowMs

I hope to one day find my perfectly imperfect one...

Pretty awesome Saturday...

All-you-can-eat Indian buffet (Happy-Almost-Birthday Tita Jenny!)

Recording covers with Jerah ("It Might Be You," and "Use Somebody")

Learning/practicing guitar ("Fifteen")

Hanging out at home with some cool people

Knott's Scary Farm with Wuv Wuv

= 

:]

Song of the Day: "Fifteen"

Before I begin, I'd like to remind you that this is my blog, and I have the right to post whatever I want to post, so if you're reading this and you're part of that little "posse" that just wants to cause drama, you might as well click out of this window.  Now.  Because I don't want any.  I have better things to do with my time.  Thanks.

Aaalrighty...

Sooo a few days ago, a friend of mine (Hi Choo Choo!) introduced me to this song and it reaaally spoke directly to my heart.  This is one of the few times I will pause to reflect on my past relationship on this blog.  I remember how it used to be... the "good ol' days," so to speak.  I remember the flirting, the way he asked me to be his girlfriend, the first time we said I love you, planning our wedding, planning our future together, naming our kids (yes, I know, I know...).  And I also remember not fighting for the first year, at all.  Ironically enough, the fights broke out immediately after that.  I remember the hurt, the pain, the anger and animosity, the way we broke up, then got back together when we probably shouldn't have, and the way we finally broke up but just could not let go.  I remember crying on the phone, talking to my best friends, the sleepless nights, tossing and turning.  I remember the two of us saying we would wait patiently for each other, and a few days later, I remember him leaving me behind, telling me he feels "no emotional attachment" to me anymore.  

I would wish that I heard this song when I was fifteen, but then again, I probably would not have listened anyway.  In fact, the voices of those around me resonated this song, in essence, and yet I didn't listen.  I thought I knew better.  Everyone around me treated it like "oh, it's your first relationship.. chances are, he's not gonna be the One."  Well, to me, it really felt that way--the naivety of youth, I suppose?  I guess we have to make mistakes in order to rise above from them.  What is it about that romantic idea of love that has us thinking this relationship will stand the test of time, no matter what anyone else says--"you and me against the world" mentality?  I love him, he loves me, that's all that matters, that's all we need.  Ha!  That was a great day of understanding when I realized love just isn't enough.  Love's a multifaceted thing, and should one facet fail, it must be tended to and mended, lest the entire thing suffer because of it.  The 15-year-old me is no longer here.  She's grown up, and she knows better now.  The almost-20-year-old me is a stronger young woman because of it.  

And yet, I must admit, to this day, it's still a struggle, and I imagine it will continue to be a struggle to keep my heart in check, to guard it diligently and yet be open and aware of its feelings too.  As with all things, I suppose, it's a balancing act.  Be still, my heart, and beat only for the one who's heart also genuinely beats for you.  The wounds have healed, yet the scars remain.  I don't care what other people think or say, but I've moved on, and those who reaaally know my heart know that's the truth.

"Fifteen," by Taylor Alison Swift, with lyrics.  Enjoy and comment!

From "Katorse"

I was watching the Tagalog teleseries, "Katorse," and this quote was spoken at the end of the episode.

"Pag-ibig na pinaninindigan, kaya ba nilang panagutan?"

Ohhh maaannnn, that's deep.

Day 7: Kasey and Marina

These two... hmm let's see.  It's always a point of argument, the way we all became friends.  I don't quite remember why, but I know I was friends with Kasey first, I think because we were in Stemp Lab together.  Kasey was already friends with Marina, and we were all in Organic Chemistry.  I think it was actually through helping each other in that class that we became close.  Ahh, the way OChem brings people together *tear* it's beautiful... and that's how our little trio formed!

We all have such different and unique personalities that it's really interesting to see the dynamics of our conversation when we all come together.  Most times, two of us agree on something, while the other disagrees.  I remember in the very beginning, Marina and I used to never agree on anything, it was amazing how we even became friends, and yet we were.  It's gotten a lot better now--we seem to have found much more common ground since then.  Interestingly enough, all of us are hugsy people, but for some reason, we didn't hug each other at first.  Like, it was really pretty awkward the first time.  We're strange, guys.  Kasey and I first hugged at the airport in Salt Lake City because our flight was delayed.  Marina was left out of the hug, so we reenacted it once we got back.  Why was it so awkward at first, guys?!?!  I don't understand?!?!  

Kasey is outgoing and laid-back, but can also be brutally (and amusingly) honest.  Don't mess with Kasey!  Kasey, I'm reaaaaally sad you're graduating this year... why are you leeeaving?!?!  We'll miss you!  Marina is such a character, witty and feisty, with many colorful facets to her.  Marina, I love how you name everything, and I mean eeeverything--Chester the HPLC, Benjamin the Lab, oh you're so funny!  I looove these ladies!  Both are examples of inner and outer beauty, gifted minds, good hearts, great personalities.  Kasey, Marina, we've all been through so much these years, and I want to thank you both for your friendship, the study/panic/frustration sessions, the memories of Genetics Lab, OChem, random moments in Stemp Lab... I guess it's like we're each other's "buffers," y'know, the shock-absorbers that help support each other to make sure we're all relatively sane and we all get through this together.  Gaaah, so much to say about you guys, so many little quirks and quotes and moments, but we'll leave it at that for now.  I'm glad we're all in Stemp Lab this year *ahem ahem* so we all get to travel together, woohoo!  I'm looking forward to this year and the next with you guys!  Much looove!

Day 6: Daaale

Hmm, well honestly, I didn't expect that Dale and I would be such good friends.  It was definitely a surprise, but a pleasant one!  


In April 2008, Word of Hope and a NBCC (a church from San Diego) had a joint family camp at Mile High Pines.  I'll have to admit, I was too preoccupied with my own youth group and my boyfriend at the time to really get to know anyone from the other group.  (Yes, yes, I knooow...)  Of course, we were all briefly introduced, so we all kiiinda knew each other, by name and face, at least, so basically that's how we first met.  We didn't really hang out or interact with each other much at all that weekend, but shortly after camp, Dale and I became friends on Facebook.  It was one of those kinda things where you added them because you know them, but you don't really knooow them, y'know?  We didn't talk after that, but I do remember that he greeted me for my birthday last year, which was totally unexpected and spontaneous.  I don't exactly remember how we started talking regularly after that... just through Facebook chat, I guess, and soon enough, as texting buddies too.    And for his birthday, I called to greet him at midnight in what turned out to be about a two-hour call... not bad for a first convo, hmm?  What's strange about our friendship is we've only ever seen each other face to face twice, since we live hours away from each other.  But I don't think that matters, because what does matter is the friendship itself, right?


Dale, I'm glad we got to know each other.  I guess you just never really know exactly when and how strangers become friends, hmm?  You're laid-back, funny, and yes, you're a pretty soft-hearted and sensitive guy.  It was surprising how easy it was for us to warm up to each other and be comfortable about having the occasional long, in-depth, late-night conversation about life, love, faith, random facts, and whatever else comes up.  Why is it that we can help others, but we can't seem to help ourselves???  You're a great person to talk to, not just about problems and stuff, but just in general, because you've mastered the art of conversation, and you're pretty spontaneous, I'd say.  I have so much respect for you, especially for entering a life of faith and choosing to go into the ministry.  More power to you!  Just wanted to take this opportunity to thank you for your friendship, and know that whatever you're feeling right now, whatever you're going through, you're not alone!  I got your back, and I know you got mine too! 


P.S. I think it's cute how you get all protective of me haha (aww)
P.P.S. You're waaay overdue for a visit, by the way!

Dream Diary #3

Oopsies!  So much for blogging everyday... oh well, life happens!  It's been a terribly crazy past two weeks, and I'm looking forward to our 4-day weekend (aka midsemester break, woot!) this weekend!  We deserve it, thank you very much!  Oh so much to do, papers, projects, research symposiums and such... the panic-driven rush to get things done that is quintessential to college life.  Alright, alright, enough chit chat, let's get to the dream.

Yesterday night, I had a dream that someone was proposing to me.  It was very casual, we were hanging out, sitting at a table, and he pulls out this enormous, cartoon-like ring (not enormous as in diamond size, I mean enormous, as in the ring was as big as a donut).  He reached out to me across the table and was handing me the ring.  He was asking me to wait for him until we both finished college, as if the ring was a promise to maintain our relationship until then.  I saw an identical ring on his finger, and I noticed two rings on mine, one on top of the other.  Some other stuff happened, but I can't remember.  The end.

That's the most recent dream I've had, although now that I'm blogging about it, I do realize I've had a strange one also last Monday night/Tuesday morning.  From Monday to Tuesday last week, I only slept for one hour, feverishly trying to write a paper (oh procrastination, you've done it again).  In one of the three 30-minute naps I took, I had this dream.

I dreamt I was sleeping on my bed, just the way I actually was sleeping.  I was tossing and turning, then all of a sudden, I feel my body lift off the bed, and as I open my eyes, my world started spinning and swirling around me.  My body was floating and revolving in every direction, and as I did so, I dipped down to the floor, then as I was just about to fly right through the window, my alarm woke me up.  The end.  With this dream, I got the sense that it was the end of the world and I was trying to make my way outside of my building.  It was such a trippy yet unique sensation, the feeling of weightlessness and flying.  Hmm...

Anywhooo, I should actually get to sleep right about now.  For the people I've appreciated between Days 6 to 13, I'm terribly sorry I'm lagging on the blog updates!  I promise I'll get to them, hopefully at some point this weekend... midsemester break, woot!  Toodles!

Day 5: Happy birthday Dad!

Sooo I've realized that blogging everyday is pretty tough... but I'm sticking to it! (at least for this month!)  I know I'm writing this a day late, but better late than never!  And this is one blog entry of appreciation that must be made.

For every blog I've done so far, I've talked about how that special person entered my life.  In this case, I was the one who entered his life.  Happy birthday, Dad.  I know this blog is a day late, but I really wanted to write about you.  I know you and I have not always been on good terms, and it's been a hard transition ever since Mom passed away.  Thank you for being such a caring and loving husband to Mom, even to the very end.  You were so devoted to her, and there is no doubt in my mind that you love her with all your heart and still do.  Thank you for being a great dad to Trix and I.  Growing up, I know we didn't have everything we want, but you always made sure we had everything we need.  You work so hard to provide us with the kind of life you want us to have, and I thank you for that.  

I know with everything that's been going on lately, life has been tough for our family, especially since we're so far apart.  I just want to encourage you and Trix to never give up, never lose hope, and never lose faith.  I think it's great that you've decided to go back to school... don't let anyone discourage you or make you think you can't do it!  I believe in you, dad!  School's tough, I should know, but you just have to keep trying, keep working hard, and it will pay off in the end.  I wish our family could have been together for our birthdays this year.  I know it's a hard adjustment.  I pray that everything gets better soon... all of these trials and hardship will end someday, dad.  I pray that you have a healthy, blessed, prosperous, and happy year ahead.  I can't express how much I really miss you and Trix.  I love you both so, so much.

Day 4: Wuv Wuv

Ahh... Honors English in Mrs. Hatfield's class. I remember this quiet boy sat behind me... didn't talk to him all that much. We were assigned a group project and given Act 5 of Romeo and Juliet to perform... y'know, the one with all the dying scenes? Quiet boy was in my group, along with two other girls. Needless to say, he was our Romeo. You know, I don't quite recall how we became close friends after that, but by sophomore year, he became one of my best friends. By then, he wasn't as quiet anymore, and he sat behind me again in AP European History... tends to happen when our last names are "Perez" and "Quintana." Oh how we both loved Mrs. Rosann Graff... we had another group project together, where we made a board game out of AP Euro trivia, and it was pretty spectacular, if I do say so myself! And together with Claire Bear and I (see previous post), not-so-quiet boy also took the crazy ridiculous hardcore nerd-like over-achieving leap of faith into the unknown black hole of academic torture that is the International Baccalaureate diploma program... death.

So our school has a senior marriage project, and during our freshman year, I thought, "HA! That would be oober funny/weird if we end up married." Lo and behold, senior year comes. We took the marriage class over the summer since us cool nerds didn't have room for it in the regular school year. I literally go to the restroom, not knowing what they're about to do, and when I got back, our Vocations teacher tells me I now have two husbands. Uhh yay? I was "married" to Nathaniel Quintana and Joshua Tang. We then take a compatibility test, and to our horror and disbelief, we were ridiculously compatible, around 90-something percent??? How does that happen?!?! Oh the irony... The thing is, Nathan and I function on a love-hate basis... I don't know how it started or why, but that's just how it is. The joke is, he won't let me "divorce" him, even after the project was done. (Maybe by now, he'll let me? haha) Seven years later, here we are, still essentially the same, just as random, nerdy, silly, and lovingly hateful to each other as ever...

Wuv wuv, though it pains me so, I must say I... I... L... OVE... Y... OU... *dies*

Okay, just kidding. I think you just might be the one person who brings out the silliest, nerdiest, most random, most wickedly sarcastic side of me. (...is that a good thing? lol) Underneath all the devious plotting and creative attempts to kill each other, you know I love you and I thank God for bringing you into my life. We have yet to go on a real, real adventure though! Let's dooo it! My fellow Harry Potter fan/science nerd/random trivia person/adventure buddy/dessert EQUAL sharer person... still waiting on that invite from Hogwarts, by the way! You're a pretty amazing writer, very good with words, and occasionally, you surprise me when you say something that makes me go O_O. You're a genuinely awesome guy, a rare find these days (except you're also a jerk, lol jk)! YOU WILL GET THROUGH OCHEM, I PROMISE! Thank you, thank you, thank you for being there for me always, especially when I have my moments, and you know I'm always here for you too! You, me, and Claire Bear--let's all grow old together! AYEHARJOO WUV WUV! <3

Dream Diary #2

I can't believe this is only my second dream diary entry... I've had so many interesting dreams, but I guess I've felt a little silly posting them here... So here goes, I'll be describing several dreams...

So about two weeks ago, I have this dream where I spent an entire carefree, romantic day with this certain someone. We went places, laughed, teased, enjoyed each other's company, and we went back to a studio apartment. The entire dream felt warm, comfortable, and familiar. It's unclear whether it's his place or mine. And we talked and playfully chased each other around the room, then we hugged. It's about mid-afternoon by this time. With a smile still on our faces and in our hearts, we lied down to take a nap (no, nothing more than that, I promise), and we fall asleep in each other's arms. The end.

About three days later, almost the identical dream, with a few subtle changes. I still spent an entire carefree, romantic day, but with a different certain someone. We still went places, laughed, teased, and enjoyed each other's company, and we still went back to a studio apartment, although this time I knew it was his place. It still felt warm, comfortable, and familiar. The same exact scenario happened, we hang out for a while, and around mid-afternoon, we lied down to take a nap (and nothing more), falling asleep, smiling in each other's arms. The difference is, with the first dream, our heads were facing away from the windows. In this dream, our heads were faced to the windows. The end. Same dream, just a flipped position, different someone... interesting. Any ideas, interpretations?

And then these ones, I just remember bits and pieces from my dreams, but they're pretty weird too. About a week ago, I dreamt I was at a huge party, somewhere I've never been to. I felt awkward and went to the restroom, and there I found someone who used to be a friend of mine, sitting in one of the stalls with a deranged look on her face and holding a can of tuna?!?! Someone opened the can of tuna, and I cut her arm with the sharp cover, and she was bleeding. I left the restroom, and a hitman was coming to kill me, but thankfully one of my closest friends from school was waiting for me by a train station to help me out. The end.

The last one is pretty short because I could only remember one part of it. I was at a party again, though it's a much smaller one, and one of the moms that I knew came up to me wearing this bright, royal blue dress, saying how much she missed seeing me around. Then she began to convince me that she was pregnant, and as the dream progressed, her belly protruded more and more, until she looked fully pregnant. The end.

Sooo that's worth four separate dream entries right there... I don't even know if anyone reads these silly dreams of mine... I have a fascination for dreams and their meanings, so for me, these dreams are interesting to ponder...

Day 3: Guevara Bears

Hmm, so thinking back to my freshman year of high school, I remember two of my closest friends at the time telling me about their mutual friend, Claire, from middle school. You know how you form some sort of idea of how someone looks like based on how people talk about them? Don't ask me why, I don't know exactly, but for some reason, I had this image in my head of Claire being this short, chubby band girl, with braces and glasses. Yeaaah... so when I got the chance to meet Claire in person during the summer before sophomore year, needless to say, I was more than surprised. She looked nothing like the image in my head!

We quickly became friends, and within a matter of a few months, we've become pretty close. At the end of sophomore year, like the super rock star over-achievers we are, we made the crazy decision to jump into the diploma program for International Baccalaureate together for our junior and senior years, and boooooy was THAT an interesting roller coaster ride, remember ALL that! *shakes head* Six years later, here we are, still the best of friends.

Claire Bear, we've helped each other sail through some pretty rough waters in both our lives and continue to do so today. I hold your friendship very dear to my heart, and I couldn't ask for a better friend. You are one of the most beautiful people, inside and out, that I've had the privilege of having in my life. Thank you for keeping me on track, love! It's an interesting journey, watching these lives of ours unfold, isn't it? You're always gonna be my crazy, weird, funny, awkward-like (sometimes), intellectual, baller Latina sister (and more)! You're so creative and artistic and both artistically, musically, and vocally gifted! You're most definitely a blessing to me and such a positive influence in my life. College is crazy, crazy, crazy, and I just want to remind you that you are INCREDIBLE and absolutely 100% capable of KICKING MAJOR BUTT and that we'll look back on these tough years someday and realize how far we've come. JOO CAN DOO EET!

And Momma Bear! I'm sure you know by now that I look up to you as a role model of a true, self-made, strong, opinionated modern woman. You always, always, always say things that make me go "WHOA, I've never thought of it that way!" Thanks for taking time to listen to my rants, life stories, and whatnot and following my blog! (I never really think anyone's reading these random things in my head haha) You're an amazing woman, wife, and mother. You and Papa Bear have raised a beautiful, intellectual, warm-hearted family. Papa Bear, you're a loving husband and father to your family, and you remind me it is possible to find a good man out there these days! No need for E-harmony, right? Brother Bear, I miss you, Pascal! Woohoo that you're graduating this year! Time sure flies... I remember it seems just like yesterday you were a wee little freshie at Amat!

I didn't realize until recently that I actually call all of you "bears," which is appropriate I think, because you guys give me a warm and fuzzy feeling inside. Thank you for welcoming me into your lives and into your hearts... May God bless all of you for being such a great, great, great blessing to me! Mucho, mucho, mucho amor... AYEHARJOO! <3

Day 2: Seastar

I was the firstborn of my parents, the first grandchild my grandparents got a chance to spoil, and the only child in the house, surrounded by my parents, my grandparents, my uncle, and one or two maids. I remember telling my parents on several occasions that I wanted a little brother or sister, but by the time I was six or seven, I gave up on the idea. Lo and behold, it was around that time my mom became pregnant! Nine months later, on April 26, 1997, my mom gave birth to our little bundle of headache... I mean, of joy (just kidding Trix!). I've gotta say though, welcoming this little stranger into our lives was a huge change for me, especially within the first few months. (Yes, yes, I was jealous, fine...) But looking back on that now, I wouldn't have it any other way!

I never knew what a great blessing it was to have a little sister until she actually came. I helped take care of her when she was a baby, and when our mom passed away, I helped raise her as well. We fight, we annoy each other, we argue, but then again that's just part of being siblings, right? I love my little seastar with all my heart. She really is the love of my life.

Twelve years later, I've watched her grow from a baby, to a little girl, to a young lady. She warms my heart and makes me smile (most of the time... just kidding again Trix haha) I'm so proud of my little one... such inner and outer beauty radiates from her, and let not her cute, small, well-dressed interior fool you. Inside, you'll find the heart of a lion and the soul of a conqueror, with a mind and maturity beyond her years. I can't express how much I love you, sis. I know these are tough times for our family, but we'll get through it together! Nothing, no one, and no distance could set our hearts apart. I waited almost eight years for you, and you were definitely worth the wait. I can't imagine life without you, sis! I miss you so very, very much. I laaavs you seastar! <4

It's October, yes! Day 1: God

There's been quite a bit of negative energy lately, and to shake it off and transition back to my optimistic, cheerful self, I've decided to do something a little different. October is my birthday month, and most years, I spent the entire month waiting in patient anticipation for the final day of October, knowing it will bring a flood of warm greetings. This year, though I still look forward to that, I've decided to appreciate the wonderful people around me, a different person or group of people every single day. God has blessed me with so many wonderful reasons to smile, so many people that make life such a fun, exciting, and joyful experience despite any storm that comes. This month, this October, I'd like to honor and appreciate these people. I realize there really are not enough days in the month for everyone I want to thank, but I'll do my best to fit everyone in! Please don't get offended if I don't mention you... You should know the impact you are making on my life, whether or not I dedicate a day to you, right?

So I'm actually playing catch-up now, since it's the 2nd day of October. Yesterday, since it was the first, I thanked God, first and foremost for giving me such a colorful, dynamic, purposeful life. I wouldn't trade it with anyone else's, though the waters may get rough at times. He really is the source of everything, and no words could fully, fully express my gratitude and love for Him. Dad, thank You for my life, for the opportunity to go to such a wonderful school, for the many, many, many warm-hearted (and even the not-so-warm-hearted) people that you've brought into my life. Thank You for my family, for my very very extended family, for Your promises, for the blessings, provisions, and favor You continue to shower upon me, and for this hope, this fire, this determination to live. Thank you for sending Your only Son to die for my sins. Thank You for molding me into the person You want me to be. Use me to bring glory to Your Name. I offer my life unto You, to follow Your will. I never want to let You go. I love You, first and foremost, Dad.