Dream Diary #7

Have you ever had a dream that was going so well you almost wish you didn't have to wake up?  Well, I recently had one of those dreams, where life was unraveling exactly as I wish it would, and honestly, waking up to my complicated reality made me a little bit sad.  I think I know why I had this dream, too.  It was a fusion of wishful thinking and some movies and songs I've been thinking about recently.

It was my graduation day, and my friends and I made our way out of the stadium, ready to celebrate.  Before the ceremony, K came up to me.  I don't remember exactly what we talked about, but I knew K told me he wanted to be with me, but now is not the time.  Right now, he needs time to prepare himself, to get his life together.  And then there was P, someone who was ready to love me, right here, right now.  My heart didn't have feelings for P, but I felt like he was someone I could maybe learn to love someday.  

K and P celebrate that night with a couple of my friends, and strangely, we all hang out in a car by the train tracks.  P tried to draw closer, to wrap himself around me.  I hesitated and pulled myself away.  Though I might have considered being with P, my heart clearly lies with K.  I snuggled in closer to K, and there was this new inexplicable feeling between us.  There was warmth, comfort, acceptance, and love.  In my heart, I knew K is the one I was meant to be with.  These faces were blurry in my dream.  Who knows if K and P have their counterparts in my reality?  Maybe they did.  Maybe they already do.  Maybe they will, someday...

To my surprise, my grandpa greeted me when I got home.  (In reality, my Lolo died of lung cancer in 2001.)  I had to ask him this: "Lolo, are you proud of me?"  This question transcends my dream, into my reality.  And yes, he was.  He was very proud of me.  Mama was there too, brushing my sister's hair and talking to my dad.  It's interesting how significant the seemingly mundane becomes in the absence of a loved one.  They were proud of me, Lolo and Mama.  That was a great feeling, to hear that from them.  I often have these dreams, where it seems like Mama talks to me and comforts me.  In those moments especially, I still feel her as if she was really here, as if she never left.  And in those dreams, I feel the warmth of her embrace, the warmth of her love once again.

Dream Diary #6

Wow, this dreams are on a roll this week!  Here's another one...

My dream took place, it seems, at my school in the Philippines.  I knew I was in college though, and I was running for ASB president that year.  There were four positions to be filled, and it just so happened that only one person running for each, so there was no competition.  The elections were to take place that day, in front of an auditorium filled with students, faculty from my college now, my current mentor, and interestingly enough, my high school science teacher.  I didn't want to go to the meeting too early so I sat on a nearby picnic table, which felt like Caltech, and I was talking to some people, although I can't remember their faces.  Because I was so wrapped up in conversation, I lost track of the time, and before I knew it, I had to run to the auditorium because I was late.  My arrival was met with disapproving eyes.  I soon learned that all the candidates were late to the meeting.  Some things happened, which I can't quite remember, but I knew I was investigating a serious crime of some sort.  I figured out the suspects--a male and a female student of the school--and because of this, they were hunting me down.  After a day of running from the both of them, I come home to what looked like a hotel room.  My mom was waiting for me, lying in bed watching TV.  She was very warm and happy and bubbly that she made me forget all my worries.  I crashed into bed right next to her and hugged her, with my head on her shoulders.  She wrapped her arms around me too and comforted me with her smile, her warmth, and her words.  But then I remembered that my mom's left arm was swollen as a result of a complication with her lymph nodes and she had trouble moving it at all.  I was confused and I wondered to myself where she's been all these years and how her arm was healed.  She was so full of life in my dream that I forget the reality that she passed away five years ago...  

Mama is here.  She's still here, alive and well, in our hearts, in our thoughts, and in our dreams.  Death separates the living from the dead--that much is true.  But their essence and their spirit lingers on in the memories of those who love them.  One day, my dad, my sister, and myself will be reunited with Mama.  This is our belief, the promise of salvation to those who accept Christ as Lord and Savior.  Death is not a culmination but a promotion.  It is not an end but a new beginning.  Most people fear death, but to those who have received eternal life, to live is Christ and to die is gain.  Until we meet again, Mama... thank you for being such an inspiration and for being such a comfort to me, even now.

Dream Diary #5

...and the dreams keep on coming.  Fairly interesting ones too, recently...

The dream took place at a party, in an old mansion of some sort.  It felt connected to school somehow, and I think I remember vaguely worrying about my grades during the party.  People from church were at this party, and out of all of them, there were two people in particular who I kept running into.  It just so happens that these two were the ones I most wanted to avoid and want nothing to do with at all, whatsoever.  Every time I ran into him or her, this irresistible anger rose up inside me and I threw a punch.  My punches hit their mark every time, and all of them were hits to the face, either to the center of the face, their left eye, or upwards hitting their jaw.  She acted like I was the scum of the earth, not worthy of her presence, and several times during the dream, she walked away and left him to deal with me.  The interesting thing is, none of the punches hurt me and it didn't seem to hurt them either.  What does this all mean?!?!  Seriously, this one, I want to know...

Dream Diary #4

Last night, I had a dream I thought was worth posting up here.

I was pregnant, in my first trimester, and everyone including me was happy about the pregnancy.  There were people around me all the time, friends that come and go to share their love and support.  But some of these people, I've never met before, although I knew in the dream that we were supposed to be really good friends.  Even the father of my child was a stranger to me.  Looking back at the dream now, I knew there was a problem with him, but I can't quite recall what it was.  I had a baby shower, and everyone was happy at the party.  But then toward the end of the night, I remembered I recently had my period, and I wondered what that meant for the baby.  Then I get a call from my sister telling me not to panic but our dog Milo was sick and they've taken him to the animal hospital.  Then the dream ended.  Strange, huh?

Thoughts?  Comments?

Dream Diary #3

Oopsies!  So much for blogging everyday... oh well, life happens!  It's been a terribly crazy past two weeks, and I'm looking forward to our 4-day weekend (aka midsemester break, woot!) this weekend!  We deserve it, thank you very much!  Oh so much to do, papers, projects, research symposiums and such... the panic-driven rush to get things done that is quintessential to college life.  Alright, alright, enough chit chat, let's get to the dream.

Yesterday night, I had a dream that someone was proposing to me.  It was very casual, we were hanging out, sitting at a table, and he pulls out this enormous, cartoon-like ring (not enormous as in diamond size, I mean enormous, as in the ring was as big as a donut).  He reached out to me across the table and was handing me the ring.  He was asking me to wait for him until we both finished college, as if the ring was a promise to maintain our relationship until then.  I saw an identical ring on his finger, and I noticed two rings on mine, one on top of the other.  Some other stuff happened, but I can't remember.  The end.

That's the most recent dream I've had, although now that I'm blogging about it, I do realize I've had a strange one also last Monday night/Tuesday morning.  From Monday to Tuesday last week, I only slept for one hour, feverishly trying to write a paper (oh procrastination, you've done it again).  In one of the three 30-minute naps I took, I had this dream.

I dreamt I was sleeping on my bed, just the way I actually was sleeping.  I was tossing and turning, then all of a sudden, I feel my body lift off the bed, and as I open my eyes, my world started spinning and swirling around me.  My body was floating and revolving in every direction, and as I did so, I dipped down to the floor, then as I was just about to fly right through the window, my alarm woke me up.  The end.  With this dream, I got the sense that it was the end of the world and I was trying to make my way outside of my building.  It was such a trippy yet unique sensation, the feeling of weightlessness and flying.  Hmm...

Anywhooo, I should actually get to sleep right about now.  For the people I've appreciated between Days 6 to 13, I'm terribly sorry I'm lagging on the blog updates!  I promise I'll get to them, hopefully at some point this weekend... midsemester break, woot!  Toodles!

Dream Diary #2

I can't believe this is only my second dream diary entry... I've had so many interesting dreams, but I guess I've felt a little silly posting them here... So here goes, I'll be describing several dreams...

So about two weeks ago, I have this dream where I spent an entire carefree, romantic day with this certain someone. We went places, laughed, teased, enjoyed each other's company, and we went back to a studio apartment. The entire dream felt warm, comfortable, and familiar. It's unclear whether it's his place or mine. And we talked and playfully chased each other around the room, then we hugged. It's about mid-afternoon by this time. With a smile still on our faces and in our hearts, we lied down to take a nap (no, nothing more than that, I promise), and we fall asleep in each other's arms. The end.

About three days later, almost the identical dream, with a few subtle changes. I still spent an entire carefree, romantic day, but with a different certain someone. We still went places, laughed, teased, and enjoyed each other's company, and we still went back to a studio apartment, although this time I knew it was his place. It still felt warm, comfortable, and familiar. The same exact scenario happened, we hang out for a while, and around mid-afternoon, we lied down to take a nap (and nothing more), falling asleep, smiling in each other's arms. The difference is, with the first dream, our heads were facing away from the windows. In this dream, our heads were faced to the windows. The end. Same dream, just a flipped position, different someone... interesting. Any ideas, interpretations?

And then these ones, I just remember bits and pieces from my dreams, but they're pretty weird too. About a week ago, I dreamt I was at a huge party, somewhere I've never been to. I felt awkward and went to the restroom, and there I found someone who used to be a friend of mine, sitting in one of the stalls with a deranged look on her face and holding a can of tuna?!?! Someone opened the can of tuna, and I cut her arm with the sharp cover, and she was bleeding. I left the restroom, and a hitman was coming to kill me, but thankfully one of my closest friends from school was waiting for me by a train station to help me out. The end.

The last one is pretty short because I could only remember one part of it. I was at a party again, though it's a much smaller one, and one of the moms that I knew came up to me wearing this bright, royal blue dress, saying how much she missed seeing me around. Then she began to convince me that she was pregnant, and as the dream progressed, her belly protruded more and more, until she looked fully pregnant. The end.

Sooo that's worth four separate dream entries right there... I don't even know if anyone reads these silly dreams of mine... I have a fascination for dreams and their meanings, so for me, these dreams are interesting to ponder...

Dream Diary #1

I have some pretty strange, random, and interesting dreams quite often, and most of the time, I'm able to tell myself to remember enough of the details to ponder when I wake up. So I thought I would post them here, as a bit of a Dream Diary, so I can look back on them too, whenever I feel like it.

About a month ago, I dreamt of my own wedding, with my best friends standing by my side as the bridal entourage. I've brought up this idea of taking away the typical maid of honor and bridesmaids in place of an entourage which include my dearest and closest friends. I specifically remember seeing both of my high school best friends beside me in my dream, and that was a comfort to see them there. During the reception, we had the Filipino tradition of the money dance. The money dance is when the guests line up to dance with either the bride or the groom, and pin money to the bridal gown or the suit of the groom. I dance with someone very dear to my heart, whispering "I love you" in their ear in a lighthearted way. Instead of dancing the waltz or something, our dance turned into a warm embrace, swaying side to side. And the dream ended.

Two nights ago, I had another dream, this time more random, and with less details that I could remember. There were two things in the dream that stuck to me: a kiss and flooding water. At some point in my dream, I remember kissing someone who gave me the feeling of warmth and familiarity. Who's the guy? I really have no idea. I've tried to revisit the dream in my mind, but no luck there. In another part of my dream, I'm standing on a plain, flat, concrete floor, and as I look ahead of me, water rushes up into a gentle flood toward me from the end of the hallway.

I like dreams. They're so interesting! And oober random too!