Dream Diary #7

Have you ever had a dream that was going so well you almost wish you didn't have to wake up?  Well, I recently had one of those dreams, where life was unraveling exactly as I wish it would, and honestly, waking up to my complicated reality made me a little bit sad.  I think I know why I had this dream, too.  It was a fusion of wishful thinking and some movies and songs I've been thinking about recently.

It was my graduation day, and my friends and I made our way out of the stadium, ready to celebrate.  Before the ceremony, K came up to me.  I don't remember exactly what we talked about, but I knew K told me he wanted to be with me, but now is not the time.  Right now, he needs time to prepare himself, to get his life together.  And then there was P, someone who was ready to love me, right here, right now.  My heart didn't have feelings for P, but I felt like he was someone I could maybe learn to love someday.  

K and P celebrate that night with a couple of my friends, and strangely, we all hang out in a car by the train tracks.  P tried to draw closer, to wrap himself around me.  I hesitated and pulled myself away.  Though I might have considered being with P, my heart clearly lies with K.  I snuggled in closer to K, and there was this new inexplicable feeling between us.  There was warmth, comfort, acceptance, and love.  In my heart, I knew K is the one I was meant to be with.  These faces were blurry in my dream.  Who knows if K and P have their counterparts in my reality?  Maybe they did.  Maybe they already do.  Maybe they will, someday...

To my surprise, my grandpa greeted me when I got home.  (In reality, my Lolo died of lung cancer in 2001.)  I had to ask him this: "Lolo, are you proud of me?"  This question transcends my dream, into my reality.  And yes, he was.  He was very proud of me.  Mama was there too, brushing my sister's hair and talking to my dad.  It's interesting how significant the seemingly mundane becomes in the absence of a loved one.  They were proud of me, Lolo and Mama.  That was a great feeling, to hear that from them.  I often have these dreams, where it seems like Mama talks to me and comforts me.  In those moments especially, I still feel her as if she was really here, as if she never left.  And in those dreams, I feel the warmth of her embrace, the warmth of her love once again.