I'm proud of myself! So what?

When I receive an award or any type of recognition, 99.9% of the time, it's because I deserve it.  For those of you who know me, you know I work hard for everything I've accomplished so far.  I'm not being conceited.  That's just the plain and honest truth.  If I personally don't believe I deserve an award, I don't acknowledge it and I don't consider it an achievement.  And in my opinion, that has only happened once.  During my freshman year, I received an "Excellence in Calculus" award.  I don't ever bring that up, it's not on my resume, it's not something I felt like I deserved, and to this day, I'm still wondering how in the world I got that award.  No lie, I hate calculus--I was completely oblivious in that class!

With that said, I feel that I have the right to be proud of everything I've accomplished so far.  I'm not one to brag, and public recognitions embarrass me, to be honest.  I never know what to do and I feel like all eyes are watching me.  It's a strange feeling, and it makes me fidgety every single time.  But I do feel that internally, I have a lot to be proud of because I know none of my accomplishments came easily, especially since I've had quite a few extra hurdles I've had to jump over to get to where I am today.  I set my bar just a little bit out of reach every time, so I can challenge myself and my abilities.  Yes, I'm a nerd.  That much is true.  But to think this all comes naturally, no effort required, is completely false.  

And because of all this, I believe I have the right, once in a blue moon, to step back and say, "I've accomplished all that?  Wow, I'm amazing!"  I believe I have the right to be pleased or flattered when someone compliments me or appreciates me.  Is it wrong to be proud of myself, to be confident?  Is it wrong to enjoy my achievements?  I shouldn't have to worry about people rolling their eyes or questioning why me or thinking that I don't deserve the attention or the recognition I get.  I shouldn't have to worry about people who cause drama, those who are jealous, those who resent my success, those who aren't genuine, have a grudge, or whatever it is that's the problem, really.  I shouldn't have to worry about people who don't understand, who are trying to make things out to be more than they are, misconstruing everything, those who think everything is a competition.  I shouldn't have to worry about people who make life more difficult than it already is.  Go ahead, because I honestly don't care what anyone else thinks anyway.  Haters will keep on hating.

I love what I do, and I'm gonna keep on going.  I've been told I'm doing a pretty amazing job so far!  It doesn't really matter if anyone recognizes it or not.  At the end of the day, it matters that I'm happy with myself, with my life.  I have something to be proud of.  Who cares what anyone else thinks?