From looking up nerdy pick-up lines online

Yes, yes I did.  Inspired by KR's post on my Facebook wall.  Some were just lame, some were not PG-rated.  Here are a few of the ones that made the cut!

"I wish I were adenine so I could get paired with U."

"You're so hot, you denature my proteins" 

"Wana form a synapse with me and exchange neurotransmitters?" 

From KR's Facebook wall post

"You must be a good benzene ring because you are pleasantly aromatic."

The Problem of Evil

So far, in my two previous posts, my faith epiphanies confirmed my previous perspectives on basic religious principles.  This is the point of contention which really bothered and frustrated me.  Why?  Because this argument is so logical and rational, so easily defended, that I couldn't even really convince myself to ignore it.  We were assigned a philosopher to defend for our class debate.  Go figure, I was assigned J.L. Mackie, an atheist.  HA!  One thing's for sure... preparing and participating in the debate was interesting...

Problem: God is wholly good and yet evil exists.

Premise 1: Good is opposed to evil, in such a way that a good thing always eliminates evil as far as it can.

Premise 2: There are no limits to what an omnipotent thing can do.

Therefore, a good omnipotent thing eliminates evil completely.

Therefore, it is irrational and incompatible for evil and a good omnipotent thing to exist simultaneously.

Therefore, because evil exists, God must not exist.

Take a minute to process that.  Done?  This argument is so straightforward, I couldn't come up with any legitimate, non-faith-related counterargument to this.  Here, let's try, with my defenses in line with the thoughts of J.L. Mackie.  These are real counterarguments that theists would use to justify the presence of evil in the world.

Counterargument:  "We're only human.  We're not supposed to know all the answers." Yes, I agree with that, personally, but to a philosopher in the middle of a debate, that sounds a lot like a cop-out, an indication of surrender.  This one is too weak of an argument.

Counterargument: "Evil must exist in the world in order to bring about good."  Doesn't that limit God's omnipotence?  If He's capable of doing anything and everything, why can't he create good without creating evil?  Also, this would only be justified IF and only IF there was just enough evil to balance out the amount of good, but that is not the case.  There are some evils that are just evil; some even create even more evil (i.e. a large percentage of sexual assault victims go on to perpetuate the cycle).  

Counterargument: "Evil is due to human free will."  So basically, God created Man, then it's a free-for-all after that?  Does this mean God has no control of His creation?  Does that mean the creators of the atomic bomb are innocent of the slaughter in Hiroshima and Nagasaki?  Why couldn't God create people who always choose between different degrees of good instead of having the possibility of choosing evil?

What do I think?  I really don't know.  This is the one argument I couldn't contend.  This question has always been the one to leave me speechless.  Why do bad things happen?  Does this weaken my faith?  I left that debate victorious yet broken.  Why was it so easy for me to argue in defense of an atheist?  That really bothered me and left me frustrated; I was shaken up.  It's like I'm looking at a data set, and there's one point that deviates from the rest.  Of the topics discussed in class, this was the only one I failed to truly gain a concrete opinion on.  Do I have answers now?  No, not really.  The problem of evil is a sensitive subject that I'll need time to reflect upon.  Maybe I'll revisit this topic sometime in the future.  As of now, what I do recognize is my anxiety and frustration at being unable to reconcile the idea of a theistic God and the existence of the problem of evil.

Divine Providence and Human Free Will

The theistic God is described as omnipotent (all-powerful), omniscient (all-knowing), and benevolent (all-loving).  If God knows everything from beginning to end and if He created everything, how does this reconcile with the idea of human free will?  It's a very interesting topic to me.  Has everything been predestined and predetermined, and are we only living in the illusion of free will?  Are we really free?

J.R. Lucas suggests open theism, that the future is open, not closed.  God is like a "Persian rug-maker who lets His children work at one end while He does the other" and when His children make mistakes, His skills are so great that He "adapts the design at His end to take into account each error" they make.  God's will is not necessarily a blueprint, set in stone.  The universe is not static but dynamic, as vague possibilities are continually crystallizing into reality.  Things are only unchangeable once they have passed from the present into the past.  God oversees everything coming into being, and because He created each one of us, He is aware of our flaws and the errors we are likely to make.  God loves His children and instilled an intrinsic value on our desires and opinions; He tries to cater to us.  And God's awesome providence is not diminished because not everything happens as planned, but His grace is amplified because He makes good come out of situations when it might not have seemed possible.

This reminds me of my former youth pastor's explanation of free will, the shoebox analogy.  Take a shoebox and poke one hole on opposite ends.  Place obstacles in the box (i.e. a puddle of water, sand, soil, a twig, etc.) and allow an ant to enter through one of the holes.  Now watch the ant try and make its way to the other end.  The ant can freely choose to take any route, left, right, straight ahead, even in circles.  Once in a while, when the ant is completely off track, you can take a stick and coax it to go in the right direction.  Eventually, the ant will reach its destination, regardless of the path it chose to take.  

I think this is an awesome perspective on God's grace and will for our lives.  There are certain events which He has predestined for us, but along the way, He caters to our desires and allows us to make our own decisions.  He oversees everything, every decision, every moment in our lives, but allows us to make mistakes, even though He foresees our mistakes.  This does not take away from His benevolence, that He allows us to fall and hurt.  On the contrary, it is a reflection of His incredible benevolence that He, who is capable of creating humans without free will, would rather grant us this privilege than have us live a fully automated and predetermined life.  This idea resonates with the title of this blog, "A Beautiful Mess."  It is comforting to know that even though I am a flawed creation doomed to make mistakes, God is able to transform this "mess" into something beautiful.  And in His infinite power and knowledge, even these mistakes ultimately contribute to the fulfillment of His will.

Teleological Argument (aka the Watch Maker Argument)

Spring 2010 is over, and summer is here!  Right on time too, since we were all pretty much at the edge of our sanity!  It's not cool that I haven't blogged in such a long time, especially since very many thoughts have been circulating my mind.  It's time to unload!  As I've mentioned in my previous post, I believe it was part of God's plan that I took Philosophy of Religion this past semester.  I've been in the midst of a crisis in faith for about a year now, and this class forced me to confront my own philosophies and perspectives about faith and religion.  It's really been an eye opening experience--and a painful and frustrating one too, at times!  Many posts to come...

Let's start off with William Paley's teleological argument...

Imagine this.  You're on an island that has never before been inhabited.  As you're exploring, you find a little machine, a watch, in the sand.  You're not sure what it is.  It might even be broken or have missing parts, and you might not know what it does or how it works.  Either way, you look inside the little device and see tiny gears and parts that somehow work together for it to properly function.  Because of this, you are able to conclude that there is intelligent design behind it, that someone must have made it.  Therefore, there must be a Watch Maker.  

Now let's apply this theory to the universe.  The universe is an extremely complex machinery, made up of very, very many smaller "machines" capable of functioning independently.  Because of this higher-order intricacy displayed by and observed throughout the universe, we are able to conclude that intelligent design is involved.  Therefore, there must be a Universe Maker.  And because the mechanisms of nature clearly surpass that of any man-made machine, it can be concluded that the Universe Maker is greater than human.

I believe that science analyzes and explains phenomena which religion only mentions.  For example, according to Genesis, God spoke and the universe was born.  Similarly, scientists hypothesize the Big Bang theory marked the beginning of the universe.  Both were sudden events with a clearly marked point of origin.  What if God's command was manifested through the Big Bang, which created the universe?  Also, according to the 2nd law of thermodynamics, nature favors chaos and disorder.  It takes a conscious, energy-requiring effort to bring order.  This is obviously true.  A glass of water always makes a mess when someone knocks it over; it is never the other way around.  This never happens in reverse, with the spill spontaneously returning into the glass.  (ha, I wish!)  Someone has to consciously clean it up and use energy to do so.  Since this is true, that nature favors chaos, a machine made up of various components could not have simply resulted from a random arrangement of parts which occurred by chance; it must be a product of intelligent design!

It's a well-known fact that I am a true nerd, to the core.  I've oohed and aahed at the mechanisms in organic chemistry, biochemical pathways, and the intricate processes of the human body.  (I've actually made a few posts about it before, here and here.)  Learning about all this, especially within the context of biochemistry and philosophy, is just absolutely mind-blowing.  Every time I learn a new pathway, a new process, I have to stop and take a few moments to truly admire the wonders of it.  It really is amazing, I can't stress that enough!  I understand that not very many people have the interest or the patience to learn about science in such great detail, but those who do cannot deny the innate intricacies of these systems.  This cannot possibly arise from chance, or  even evolution, alone.  This stuff is the focus of my career, my profession, and my greatest interest.  And because I know so very many examples of the intricacies of nature, I cannot dispute that the universe reflects intelligent design.  And for me, above anything else, this proves that my God, my Creator and Intelligent Designer, truly exists.

Gone for almost two months?!?! No bueno!

First off, happy anniversary to one of my most favorite married couples: Alejandro and Monica Guevara.  You two are such an inspiration to our generation, a shining example that it is possible to grow together through the years with the one you love and maintain a strong and healthy marriage!  Kudos on your 26th year together!


Next, I'm really oober sad that I've been away from blogging for so long.  I really enjoy, and I miss it.  Not to mention there has been sooooo much that happened between now and my last blog that I should probably be blogging about.  March and April are crazy times in the world of Mount St. Mary's College.  We're on our last stretch, with our summer in sight, but of course this is when the papers, and the conferences, and the exams, and the everything else start to pile up!


And unfortunately, I don't have the time to blog about this much tonight.  I'm feeling a little pre-sicky poo, so it's probably best to set aside my nocturnal habits (ha, it's already 1:30 am anyway) and get my 8 hours of sleep.  But I will say that it is very timely that I'm taking my philosophy of religion class this semester because as much as I loathe sitting in that class from 6 to 9 pm listening to her boring, unengaging lectures, it has expanded my views on faith and religion.  And this is mostly knowledge I've gathered from reading our textbook (since let's face it, I usually zone out in class).  More to come on that, I promise!  Very intellectually stimulating theories and such!  As for now, off to Dreamland I go!

From "Beloved," by Toni Morrison

...me and you, we got more yesterday than anybody. We need some kind of tomorrow.  [Paul D.]

Welcome, welcome to A Beautiful Mess!

As you can see, I've totally revamped my blog site--different background, different template, different tagline, different name?!?!  No instantaneous epiphanies, no blog-changing moment that made me decide to change it.  I just felt like it was time for a change.  My life experiences over the past few years have taught me to embrace change.  Change could end up to be good or bad, and depending on the situation, it can be scary too, but change is an inevitable aspect of life.

I've also made it a habit to periodically reflect on certain aspects of my life.  Am I doing well in this area?  Is this working out?  Does this still apply to me, or have I evolved since my last reflection?  Have I maintained the essence of who I am, or have I lost myself?  Is it time for change?  Self-evaluations and soul-searching have become a part of me, and I think it's a good way for me to see whether I'm evolving into the person I intend to be.  The goal is to evolve without losing the essence of who I am.

The revised title of my blog, "A Beautiful Mess," is inspired by this song by Jason Mraz.  (I actually wrote a post about it last month.)  First off, I love this song.  Also, as the tagline states, "Life doesn't always go as planned, but there is beauty and purpose to all things and all situations."  I've found this to be very true in my own life experiences.  Of course, it's horrible while I'm actually in that moment of turmoil, when I feel like everything around me is spinning out of control.  But when I  reflect on those moments, I recognize their beauty and purpose.  When the chaos has passed and I see how life unraveled from that point to the present, I begin to see why it happened, why it had to happen that way, how I reacted to the situation, and how that shaped me into the person I am now.  There is a certain serenity and inner peace that settles in.  

Two days ago, I was browsing through my blog--the name, the tagline, the background elements.  I felt like I needed a "better fit" for my life, that what once worked might not apply anymore.  It was time for change.  As I evolve, so will my thoughts, and so will my perspectives on life.  To a certain extent, the evolution of this blog serves as a reflection of my continuous evolution as a person.

NASA Scientists Plan to Approach Girl by 2018

I just had to repost this video.  It's so ridiculous, I couldn't stop laughing!  

Warning: This is an insanely nerdy, highly and unnecessarily technical take on a relatively simple, everyday kinda thing.  

Thanks to Dr. Stemp for sending me this video!  And thanks to Hulu and The Onion News Network for hosting this!

I'm proud of myself! So what?

When I receive an award or any type of recognition, 99.9% of the time, it's because I deserve it.  For those of you who know me, you know I work hard for everything I've accomplished so far.  I'm not being conceited.  That's just the plain and honest truth.  If I personally don't believe I deserve an award, I don't acknowledge it and I don't consider it an achievement.  And in my opinion, that has only happened once.  During my freshman year, I received an "Excellence in Calculus" award.  I don't ever bring that up, it's not on my resume, it's not something I felt like I deserved, and to this day, I'm still wondering how in the world I got that award.  No lie, I hate calculus--I was completely oblivious in that class!

With that said, I feel that I have the right to be proud of everything I've accomplished so far.  I'm not one to brag, and public recognitions embarrass me, to be honest.  I never know what to do and I feel like all eyes are watching me.  It's a strange feeling, and it makes me fidgety every single time.  But I do feel that internally, I have a lot to be proud of because I know none of my accomplishments came easily, especially since I've had quite a few extra hurdles I've had to jump over to get to where I am today.  I set my bar just a little bit out of reach every time, so I can challenge myself and my abilities.  Yes, I'm a nerd.  That much is true.  But to think this all comes naturally, no effort required, is completely false.  

And because of all this, I believe I have the right, once in a blue moon, to step back and say, "I've accomplished all that?  Wow, I'm amazing!"  I believe I have the right to be pleased or flattered when someone compliments me or appreciates me.  Is it wrong to be proud of myself, to be confident?  Is it wrong to enjoy my achievements?  I shouldn't have to worry about people rolling their eyes or questioning why me or thinking that I don't deserve the attention or the recognition I get.  I shouldn't have to worry about people who cause drama, those who are jealous, those who resent my success, those who aren't genuine, have a grudge, or whatever it is that's the problem, really.  I shouldn't have to worry about people who don't understand, who are trying to make things out to be more than they are, misconstruing everything, those who think everything is a competition.  I shouldn't have to worry about people who make life more difficult than it already is.  Go ahead, because I honestly don't care what anyone else thinks anyway.  Haters will keep on hating.

I love what I do, and I'm gonna keep on going.  I've been told I'm doing a pretty amazing job so far!  It doesn't really matter if anyone recognizes it or not.  At the end of the day, it matters that I'm happy with myself, with my life.  I have something to be proud of.  Who cares what anyone else thinks?

Christianity, Biochemistry, and Philosophy

These are three topics that supposedly counter each other, yet they all coexist within me.  

This realization hit me as I was reading for Philosophy of Religion.  William James argues that it is the duty of reason (aka philosophy) to strip down the mysteries of religion.  In today's world, the rift between science and faith is progressively emphasized.  Simply put, these three "ways of thinking," if you can call them that, seem like they would continually contradict one another.  But for some reason, they all come together as various aspects that make up who I am.

I'm a Christian and a biochemistry major, with a philosophy minor.  How does that even function?  I'm asking myself this, and right now I don't know the answer.  I'm a little flabbergasted at myself at the moment, to be honest.  (It's a strange feeling, lemme tell ya.)  Maybe I'm just a confused child, overall?  

Maybe philosophy and reason helps me analyze science but leads me to question faith.  

Maybe the empirical foundations of science result in a unique and awesome understanding of the truths upheld by faith, concurrently undermining the free thought that characterizes philosophy.

Maybe religion bridges the gaps that science deem inexplicable and serves as an application of contemplative and sometimes critical thought processes involved in philosophy.

I don't know the answers, but this idea really immersed me in thought just now...

Dream Diary #7

Have you ever had a dream that was going so well you almost wish you didn't have to wake up?  Well, I recently had one of those dreams, where life was unraveling exactly as I wish it would, and honestly, waking up to my complicated reality made me a little bit sad.  I think I know why I had this dream, too.  It was a fusion of wishful thinking and some movies and songs I've been thinking about recently.

It was my graduation day, and my friends and I made our way out of the stadium, ready to celebrate.  Before the ceremony, K came up to me.  I don't remember exactly what we talked about, but I knew K told me he wanted to be with me, but now is not the time.  Right now, he needs time to prepare himself, to get his life together.  And then there was P, someone who was ready to love me, right here, right now.  My heart didn't have feelings for P, but I felt like he was someone I could maybe learn to love someday.  

K and P celebrate that night with a couple of my friends, and strangely, we all hang out in a car by the train tracks.  P tried to draw closer, to wrap himself around me.  I hesitated and pulled myself away.  Though I might have considered being with P, my heart clearly lies with K.  I snuggled in closer to K, and there was this new inexplicable feeling between us.  There was warmth, comfort, acceptance, and love.  In my heart, I knew K is the one I was meant to be with.  These faces were blurry in my dream.  Who knows if K and P have their counterparts in my reality?  Maybe they did.  Maybe they already do.  Maybe they will, someday...

To my surprise, my grandpa greeted me when I got home.  (In reality, my Lolo died of lung cancer in 2001.)  I had to ask him this: "Lolo, are you proud of me?"  This question transcends my dream, into my reality.  And yes, he was.  He was very proud of me.  Mama was there too, brushing my sister's hair and talking to my dad.  It's interesting how significant the seemingly mundane becomes in the absence of a loved one.  They were proud of me, Lolo and Mama.  That was a great feeling, to hear that from them.  I often have these dreams, where it seems like Mama talks to me and comforts me.  In those moments especially, I still feel her as if she was really here, as if she never left.  And in those dreams, I feel the warmth of her embrace, the warmth of her love once again.

Song of the Day: "Paano Na Kaya"

This song's been in and out of my mind for the past few weeks--partly because the movie came out recently.  I really want to see it, at some point.  But mainly just because...  And I've just had waaay too many more important things going on right now that I just had to keep pushing this away.  

It's tough, definitely... an awkward position to be in, but I throw my hands up in the air and do my best to walk away.  Some remnants may linger, but it's getting better... MUUUCH better!

Paano na kaya?  'Di sinasadya, 'di kayang magtapat ng puso ko... bakit ikaw pa?

"Paano Na Kaya," by Bugoy Drilon, with lyrics

The Dark Side

I guess power and success comes at a price.  There is an aspect of this nation that is just utterly cold and heartless.

Today, what will happen today?

This is it.  At least, that's how it feels...

Today, I'll know the answers to questions that have been churning more and more violently within my soul for the past eight years.

Today, I face the truth, of what I am, of what can and cannot be done.

Today, my options, the paths that lay before me and the paths I cannot cross, will be revealed, once and for all.

Today, I am anxious, I am terrified, I am preparing for the worst.

Today, there is a good chance I will panic, I will not be okay, I will be frustrated, I will cry.

Today, the truth will be revealed and I must accept it for what it is.

Today, my heart may soar or it may break.

Today, I must pull together our lives, my life, which slowly unraveled after she departed.

Today, I will pray, I will lift my hands high to my Father, to the One who has been with me from the beginning of my existence, the One who I will continue to be with for eternity.

Today, I learn what it truly means to die to myself.

Today, I give it all to You.

Today, I know You already know how today starts and ends.

Today, I sing, I play, I breathe, I live for You, for this is all a simple human such as myself can do.

Today Father, this is my prayer.  Bless them for being a blessing to me, bless our conversation, bless whatever outcome results.  You know the deepest, most personal, most intimate desires of my heart.  Hold me in Your comforting embrace, and grant me the divine peace that comes only from You.  Set my way before me, and never allow my fire to burn out nor my hope to diminish.  Never let me go, for in You, I fully trust, and in You lies my yesterday, today, tomorrow, and my eternity.  In the Name of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, I pray.  Amen.


Acts 16.

While studying for advanced biochemistry

I have my first advanced biochemistry exam tomorrow morning, so I'm obviously trying to study (and obviously failing).  I'm just so darn distracted and not focused at all!  Conveniently enough, my best friend called.  *puts notes down*  (yesss...)  

Halfway through the conversation:

Me: So I'm studying these biochemical pathways and they are just AMAZING!

Nathan: I literally almost hung up on you just now after you said that.

Sooo this is ME... No, really.  I literally went "WHOA" after I went over one of the pathways.  These molecular interactions are so ridiculously beautiful and perfect and amazing, I mean they're happening in our bodies RIGHT NOW without us even knowing!  Learning about all this, it's impossible for me to think organisms just "happened" organically, out of nothing, without a Creator who purposely crafted this magnificent design.  I love this stuff!  What else do you expect from a biochemistry major?  Biochemistry... yeee son!

Hug It Out!

Hugs are wonderful expressions of affection, and I think people should hug it out more often!  And hugs could mean a heck of a lot of different things, from "I love you" to "Good bye," and everything in between.  The best hugs leave a lasting impression that transcends time and convey messages and emotions that mere words simply can't express.  It could move someone to tears, end fights, or leave someone speechless.  I LOVE HUGS!  I really do, no lie.  There's just something about them that make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.  And no side-hugs either.  Or those hugs where there's about a foot of space in between.  Or quickie hugs.  Those don't count.  I only give those if it's physically difficult for me to give a full hug at that moment.  Or if I don't really care about the person all that much.  Or if there's something wrong and I'm just not feeling like it.  Otherwise, I think I'm a pretty good hugger!  Face to face, warm, cozy, not rushed but not absurdly long, and close enough and tight enough to squeeze just a bit and still be comfy--that's a perfect hug, I think. But definitely not tooooo close or tight enough to break ribs!  And it also very much depends on the person too.  It's got something to do with chemistry, y'know?  (And yes, I just had to say that.)  A perfect hug cannot fully be described in words--it's priceless.  What are you waiting for?  Go hug it out with someone!  It's a great way to show someone you care, a priceless expression of affection, and it's absolutely free!

From Fight Science: Sniper Keeps His Cool

As far as military stuff goes, this is the kinda stuff I'm interested in.  As shown here, a sniper is trained to shoot between heartbeats to maximize the precision of his shot.  That's crazy cool!  His statement is pretty hardcore too.

"One quiet professional at the right place, at the right time, can end wars before they start.  One shot, one kill."  [Marine scout sniper]

From Philosophy of Religion

"How can you be wrong about what you want?"  [Professor Tregenza]

A Typical Lab Whiteboard

Being the slacker that I am (...ha.), I've recently been working on my summer research applications (due by Monday?  Gah...).  I'm particularly interested in Sloan-Kettering for some reason.  (I really hope I get in.  Not gonna lie, I'd be pretty sad if I don't.)  Anywhooo, I was browsing through their current research labs to see which ones I was interested in joining and I came across this picture.  It was posted as part of the David Allis Lab webpage and I just had to stop and admire this incredibly intense scientific vomit.  (In contrast, my lab usually has this kinda stuff on our board.)  I just had to post this... Ironically, this is also a representation of the internal state of my brain and thought processes this week.