I just got back from a church camping trip this weekend to Gaviota State Park. There were about a hundred of us altogether at this camp, and it was fun to see everyone doing their own thing, campsite-hopping, and running into familiar faces everywhere. It felt like a huge neighborhood party, a weekend-long fiesta similar to the ones back in the Philippines, where people would go from one house to the next and just enjoy each other's company. The campground was about a minute's walk away from the ocean and the fishing pier. The beach was tucked away in the middle of two major rock formations, making it quite serene and private. It was the perfect place for introspection, meditation, reflection, and relaxation. The sound of the roaring waves lulled us to sleep at night, and we woke up (earlier than I'd like haha) to the sound of cheery familiar voices outside. Pretty awesome, I'd say.
It was wonderful hanging out with friends, bonding with new friends, and reconnecting some broken ties. Saturday morning, right after breakfast, I headed to the beach, climbed onto the rocks looking out into the horizon and watched the waves crash onto the shores as I spent time with God. It was absolutely stunning, a quiet retreat to be alone and away from reality. I joined my friends afterward and enjoyed the beach. Personally, I think some of life's greatest treasures are laughing freely and sharing precious memories with friends. Of course, who could resist trying to catch your friends off guard and tackling them into the water? Sandballs whizzed through the air, sometimes hitting innocent bystanders, but often hitting their desired target. After lunch, we spent a lazy afternoon sitting under the shade hanging out by our tents, breaking out into any song upon anyone's request. Later on in the day, my bestie and I made our way back to the top of the rocks again, talking, laughing, and enjoying the gorgeous view. We then walked to the pier to see if our friends managed to catch some fish, then walked back to camp and had dinner. After dinner, my friends and I walked back to the beach in the darkness of night, this time climbing up the rocks on the other side. Up to that point, I was having a good time, feeling relaxed, when all of a sudden, this intense frustration and restlessness crept up inside of me. I couldn't figure out what it was about. My mind was blank, yet there as something that deeply troubled me. We spent a few more quiet moments by the rocks, stood up on the lifeguard post for a while, then went back to camp, still with that unsettled feeling within me.
The day before we left for camp, my prayer was for God to speak to me, and for me to be still and listen to His voice. Well, this is a testimony that God does speak to people, even in modern times, and that He does answer prayers. Saturday was the fulfillment of the idea that we should "pray without ceasing." Yes, I had lots of fun and did all sorts of things, but the day was spent in constant communication with God. By the end of the day, the words He spoke to me that have, quite frankly, befuddled my mind.
The easy path is not always the way to go.
There are many ways out. It may not be the first you try, but there is always a way out.
Some stars shine brighter than others. They're just stars... they won't last forever, but remember that they're there, even if you don't see them.
...uhm yes. Exactly... So... what does that mean again? Right. Remember the unsettled feeling? I guess part of that was trying to figure all this out in my mind. I laid out on a picnic table and looked up and the stars, and I hear God telling me something I don't want to hear, something I really don't want to deal with. He said, "I'm sending your ex to you. Talk to him." HA! Woo, Daddy's got jokes. Really now? It was past midnight, and my ex was back at the campsite. I was by the beach. That wasn't about to happen. Basically, I ignored it. Lo and behold, about 20 minutes later, my ex passes by, sees me, and immediately senses something's wrong. He insisted I walk with him, and I burst into tears, unexpectedly. It was one of those moments where my will went against God's will. My heart and mind rebelled. Out of all the people at that camp, why would I want to talk to this guy, who I haven't had a real conversation with in about a year? And yet God spoke, and He spoke clearly. So I went and sat with him by the pier, telling him that God wants me to talk to him that night. (Yes, okay. I know it sounds crazy, but this is seriously a legitimate experience for me, so by this point, if you feel like I'm not making sense, or I was high, or going insane when all this happened, you're more than welcome to stop reading.)
So there we were, with me basically asking God why oh why I was sitting with my ex, alone, by the pier, at that late hour. To make the long and winding story short, God's voice came to me again, so clear that I could not doubt it. "Forgive him." And why would I do that? I was perfectly content being where I am, feeling the way I do about him, holding a bit of a grudge for all the hurt he's caused me, and being instantly irritated at the sight of him. By this point, I was completely over him, I've analyzed the why's and how's and what if's of the break up, I've moved forward, and I can honestly say I've never been happier with how my life is going overall. But it wasn't until that night that felt God's reminder to forgive him for everything he's done in the past, like it was the final piece of the puzzle, the key to fully closing that chapter. And so at 2 am, my ex and I talked, apologized for how we both acted after the break up, and most importantly, forgave, hugged, and ended on good terms.
Today, Sunday, we had our service at the beach, which was definitely a good change, and of course, since we're so Filipino (it's ridiculous) about a hundred pictures were taken afterward. As for the three "revelations," I guess you can call them that, they hold a special meaning and personal meaning to me, but feel free to try to "interpret" and let me know what you think. I'd definitely find that interesting. Sorry, this is kind of a long one. It was an eventful weekend, and trust me, this isn't even everything. It was an amazing experience to be out in nature and away from the hustle bustle of city life, and though I really miss the campsite already, I have to admit I can't do without my creature comforts for too long. So now, I'm back in my dorm with a pile of work to do, and I seem to have left my brain somewhere on the beach, because I'm extremely lagging it right now. Gah, okay okay, back to work I go!
"The easy path is not always the way to go"---that is like a total understatement! I generally think that "the via dolorosa" is the way to go...like "do the what's hard."
ReplyDeleteI think that "the way out" is the way through...i.e. no avoiding the task whatever it is.
As for forgiveness...the definition i've heard is "to not hold whatever has been done against the person"...to me this makes sense i guess because of my basic belief that there is a reason...incomprehensible or otherwise for what happens...i guess even the horrific things that stir our compassion and empathy for others.