"Out of sight, out of mind"

Just realized that saying is true... might as well be forgotten, in some areas of my life--not missed, not seen, not heard from, completely invisible and disregarded.  FINE.

There are other things that are more important, and especially today, a day dedicated to celebrating the birth of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, I cannot let anything stand in the way of my personal relationship with him.  Whatever obstacles or roadblocks may come, I just need to blast them out of my path, pursue my own way, as long as I'm right with him.

But then again there ARE those folks who are self-righteous and never think they're wrong.  Other people are always the stupid ones.  Other people always make the mistakes.  Other people are always flawed.  But as for themselves, yes, they SAY they believe they're not perfect... but they sure do act like they are.  NEWSFLASH: No one is perfect so get off your high horse and learn how to kneel and bow down to THE ONLY ONE who deserves all the glory, the honor, and praise.

Today, on this Christmas morning, let's remember God's provisions and mercy in our lives.  Let us cherish the company of friends, family, and loved ones and never forget the essence of this holiday we all look forward to celebrating each year.  Merry Christmas to you all!

Dream Diary #6

Wow, this dreams are on a roll this week!  Here's another one...

My dream took place, it seems, at my school in the Philippines.  I knew I was in college though, and I was running for ASB president that year.  There were four positions to be filled, and it just so happened that only one person running for each, so there was no competition.  The elections were to take place that day, in front of an auditorium filled with students, faculty from my college now, my current mentor, and interestingly enough, my high school science teacher.  I didn't want to go to the meeting too early so I sat on a nearby picnic table, which felt like Caltech, and I was talking to some people, although I can't remember their faces.  Because I was so wrapped up in conversation, I lost track of the time, and before I knew it, I had to run to the auditorium because I was late.  My arrival was met with disapproving eyes.  I soon learned that all the candidates were late to the meeting.  Some things happened, which I can't quite remember, but I knew I was investigating a serious crime of some sort.  I figured out the suspects--a male and a female student of the school--and because of this, they were hunting me down.  After a day of running from the both of them, I come home to what looked like a hotel room.  My mom was waiting for me, lying in bed watching TV.  She was very warm and happy and bubbly that she made me forget all my worries.  I crashed into bed right next to her and hugged her, with my head on her shoulders.  She wrapped her arms around me too and comforted me with her smile, her warmth, and her words.  But then I remembered that my mom's left arm was swollen as a result of a complication with her lymph nodes and she had trouble moving it at all.  I was confused and I wondered to myself where she's been all these years and how her arm was healed.  She was so full of life in my dream that I forget the reality that she passed away five years ago...  

Mama is here.  She's still here, alive and well, in our hearts, in our thoughts, and in our dreams.  Death separates the living from the dead--that much is true.  But their essence and their spirit lingers on in the memories of those who love them.  One day, my dad, my sister, and myself will be reunited with Mama.  This is our belief, the promise of salvation to those who accept Christ as Lord and Savior.  Death is not a culmination but a promotion.  It is not an end but a new beginning.  Most people fear death, but to those who have received eternal life, to live is Christ and to die is gain.  Until we meet again, Mama... thank you for being such an inspiration and for being such a comfort to me, even now.

Mighty Optical Illusions

Bored?  Taking a break?  Looking for something to do?  Here's a pretty awesome optical illusion site... this kept my sister and I occupied for a good 2 or 3 hours yesterday... Mighty Optical Illusions!

From "Quote of the Day"

"Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves."    [Carl Jung]

Laughs and Memories

Every single day that I've been here, my sister and I get a fit of uncontrollable laughter at least once a day.  The talks, the laughs, the memories, and even the times we end up annoying each other.  This is what I miss.  This is what I love.  I love spending time with her, finding happiness in the little things and enjoying each other's company.  I love her.

Dream Diary #5

...and the dreams keep on coming.  Fairly interesting ones too, recently...

The dream took place at a party, in an old mansion of some sort.  It felt connected to school somehow, and I think I remember vaguely worrying about my grades during the party.  People from church were at this party, and out of all of them, there were two people in particular who I kept running into.  It just so happens that these two were the ones I most wanted to avoid and want nothing to do with at all, whatsoever.  Every time I ran into him or her, this irresistible anger rose up inside me and I threw a punch.  My punches hit their mark every time, and all of them were hits to the face, either to the center of the face, their left eye, or upwards hitting their jaw.  She acted like I was the scum of the earth, not worthy of her presence, and several times during the dream, she walked away and left him to deal with me.  The interesting thing is, none of the punches hurt me and it didn't seem to hurt them either.  What does this all mean?!?!  Seriously, this one, I want to know...

Hello Winter Break!

Fall semester ended last Wednesday, and after moving out of the dorms and heading back home to Walnut for a couple of days, I headed up to Northern California to be with my dad and my sister for the holidays.  And now that the constant buzzing of academics has ceased in my mind, I finally get the chance to do some soul-searching.  I believe that life is a process, and as individuals, we must learn to evolve accordingly.  Every once in a while, I make it a point to stop and dig deep into my soul and figure out where I am as a person, at that point in time.

Up until about this past summer, I felt like faith and spirituality made up an integral part of my life.  As a science major and a philosophy minor, I felt like my academics were reinforcing my faith.  I still feel like that sometimes, but at this point, to be completely honest with myself, my personal spirituality is wavering.  It hit me when Momma Bear and I were discussing a dream I once had, and her interpretation involved a commentary on faith.  She said that faith internalized does not need to be so actively verbalized.  Do I believe in God?  Yes. Do I believe Jesus did for me?  Yes.  Do I believe I am saved, and if I were to die this very moment, I'm heaven-bound?  Absolutely.  By simple definition, this makes me a Christian.  But why do I feel like an outsider looking in?

I think my choice of church is affecting my spirituality.  In fact, I'm almost 99% sure of it.  I would rather go to some other church, like Calvary or Lake Avenue, than to go back to my "home church."  My heart still seeks God, but the antics, the rituals, the pomp and circumstance, the insincerity and hypocrisy I see at that church which I once considered to be home just leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.  I want God without the clutter.  I cannot let this get in the way of my salvation.  Faith, to me, is a walk with God, and while it helps to have a Christian community, it is not a requirement.  I do see a spiritual community, because at this point the one I have now is not contributing to my spiritual and personal growth.  I long for something similar to CCF, this Christian group at Caltech.  I am at a stage right now where I am not self-sufficient, spiritually, and finding sources of support would be wonderful.  That statement is difficult for me to admit.  I know my aunts and uncles are there for me, but at this point, what I really seek is a group of my own peers.

This break is going to be hectic for a number of reasons, physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally.  Soul-searching is an exhausting and unpredictable thing!  Perhaps, soon enough, it'll have me longing for the structure of academia once again...

Relationships and Judgments

As I sat on the train up to Northern California to see my family, I had a very long time to think (and sleep).  At one point, I was trying to figure out what kind of people I surround myself with.  Relationships fascinate me.  How do they start?  How do they continue?  What breaks this special bond?  This reflection was brought about by the end of the semester, saying goodbye to my dear friends as we all go our separate ways for winter break.  It sounds overly dramatic, I know.  But at a small college like mine, I see the same beautiful faces everyday, and this semester especially brought us all closer together.  It's strange not having them around, not having Danielle down the hall or Mila in lab or Kasey sitting at her desk or Marina in her chair.  It's strange not to have random floaters like Bianca or Zoila or Tameka walk into lab to hang out for a while.  All this reminded me of something I am already well-aware of: I am blessed to have such an incredibly amazing and diverse group of people around me.  But I also catch a glimpse of other people's relationships with their families and their friends and how that aspect of their lives function.  

Last semester, Contemporary Moral Problems was my second least favorite class to go to.  (Instrumental Methods of Analysis took first place in that category by the end of the semester.)  But even though I disliked the class, I did pick up on some things that made me stop and think.  Our professor once brought up the issue of judgment.  We are told that it is wrong to judge someone.  Do you judge?  Some people would be inclined to say no, they don't judge.  But we all do.  We judge who we associate ourselves with, what kind of community we live in, what kind of atmosphere we place ourselves in, everyday.  In making these decisions and many more, we construct a specific kind of life for ourselves, and we make numerous judgment calls along the way.

I've known for some years now that I have been blessed with two amazing lifelong friends.  I also know that it is another blessing to have people around me that don't party their lives away and have the responsibility to keep their priorities straight.  From an outside perspective, people may be inclined to say I choose to be around "perfect" people, people who are smart, rich, over-achieving, or "angels."  I found this to be false.  It's not that my friends were all raised right or had a good childhood or had access to all the resources they needed.  It's not that they never have fun and they live boring, strictly academic lives.  No, this is not the case.

The only common factor so far that I've been able to put my finger on is this: They all hold themselves to a higher standard.  They don't need mom or dad to push them to do well.  Of course, everyone has their days when they need that extra encouragement, but for the most part, these people are self-sufficient, self-motivating, and all pursuing their passions and dreams not for anyone else but for the betterment of themselves.  And I guess everything else falls into place.  In pursuit of this goal, they must be responsible, able to prioritize and live a well-balanced life, be open-minded and yet uphold their own set of values and morals.  In order words, they know how to get their life together.  Not that their life is always smooth sailing, but in times of trouble, they are mature enough to know how to handle the pressure.  Pretty cool, huh?  So thank you, thank you, to the people around me.  You all contribute, whether great or small, to my walk of life, and it is because of these characteristics that I'm able to stay grounded.

Dream Diary #4

Last night, I had a dream I thought was worth posting up here.

I was pregnant, in my first trimester, and everyone including me was happy about the pregnancy.  There were people around me all the time, friends that come and go to share their love and support.  But some of these people, I've never met before, although I knew in the dream that we were supposed to be really good friends.  Even the father of my child was a stranger to me.  Looking back at the dream now, I knew there was a problem with him, but I can't quite recall what it was.  I had a baby shower, and everyone was happy at the party.  But then toward the end of the night, I remembered I recently had my period, and I wondered what that meant for the baby.  Then I get a call from my sister telling me not to panic but our dog Milo was sick and they've taken him to the animal hospital.  Then the dream ended.  Strange, huh?

Thoughts?  Comments?

Two years from now, in a perfect world...

...I would have already graduated at the top of my class.  I work hard for this.  That would be MY moment.  I don't want anyone there to screw things up.  With that said, only my dad and my sister are invited from Nor Cal.  There.  I said it.

...I would be going to a prestigious med school/grad school program.  (Let's go, Caltech, let's go!)  My housing, tuition, healthcare, fees, etc. would be completely paid for... AND with a stipend, to top it all off!  In a perfect, perfect world, I would be in a legit MD/PhD program... yeah yuhhh!

...my dad would have a more stable job.  I would be living in my own apartment with my little sister, because I so desperately want to rescue her from that hell hole that she lives in now.  My family would be so much happier and free from drama queens and complications that make our lives even more stressful than it already is.  (Lemme tell ya... those Disney fairytales about the evil stepmother?  They exist.  No lie.)  In a perfect, perfect world, we'd all be together.  Who cares about money or material things?  I mean this when I say family is more important than all of that.  We got along just fine before--no money, not much of a house, just each other.  In many ways, much better than how things are now, that's for sure.

...my sister would be going to Bishop Amat High School, where I went.  I would be helping put her through school.  It'll be tough, but one way or another, we'll do it.

Sooo... that's just a rough draft of what my personal goals and dreams are for the near-ish future.  Only God knows how my life will actually play out.  Looking back at just the past three years, it's been such a crazy, insane roller coaster!  Life never turns out quite exactly how I planned or imagined it, but in a lot of ways, reality was actually much better.  

I wanted to finish high school as a valedictorian, just as Mama and I dreamed when I was little.  I was named Salutatorian, even though I did get the top GPA of my graduating class (weird selection policy...).  

I wanted to go to a big-name college as a pre-med student.  I didn't even want to apply to Mount St. Mary's College, but they ended up giving me a full-scholarship.  Now, I switched my major to Biochemistry with a minor in Philosophy, and I can't believe I now want to ultimately be an MD/PhD.  I have to admit, I've fallen in love with the school and everything about it, and I cannot imagine being anywhere else and having a better college experience.

These are just a few examples... but the point is, though my life hasn't played out exactly as I've envisioned it, where I am today still maintains the essence of the goals and dreams and visions for myself.  And if the future is anything like how my life has been so far, it's gonna be one heck of a rough ride, but at the end of the day, I'll still be able to fulfill the essence of these goals and dreams in the future.  Who knows, right?  We'll just have to wait and see!

Whoo it's been a whiiile...

And my thoughts of the day are:

1. I have so much love around me.

2. I love research and conferences.

3. Stemp Lab is the BEST... no lie.

4. Real, genuine friends are truly priceless.

5. We are RIDICULOUSLY loud. (and TONS of fun!)

6. I love my dad and my sister... I miss them so much, it's not even funny!

7. Wow, I realized today, you are reaaally cute.  (and you'll never know!)

8. Crap... I think I'm getting sick!  Blah!

9. I'm not setting my alarm tonight... yay for sleeping in!

It was a productive and fun day full of memories!  Goodnight, goodnight!

And to those I love... To friends, to family, to those I hope especially dear to my heart (you all know who you are)... Thank you for being a part of my life.  A part of the reason why I am who I am is because of who you are to me.  My love, my hugs, and my gratitude goes out to you all!

From "The Office"

"I am not robbing the cradle.  If anything, I am robbing the grave." [Michael Scott]

From ABRCMS

One of the keynote speakers at ABRCMS mentioned this quote in her talk, and it really hit home for me...

"It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all--in which case you fail by default."  [J.K. Rowling]

There's no place like home...

From last Wednesday until today, I attended the Annual Biomedical Research Conference for Minority Students (ABRCMS) held in Phoenix, Arizona.  We stayed at the Wyndham Hotel, which was conveniently located right down the street from the convention center, a mere two blocks away.  Along with a gorgeous, talented, and intelligent group of young ladies from my school (woot!), I explored downtown Phoenix and discovered what Arizona (and the world of graduate/medical schools) had to offer.  

I gained a different perspective at this conference, and I picked up on some things I should improve on.  I learned the value of networking and really seeking out the help of those mentors who are willing to help you along in realizing your goals and dreams.  Not only this, but they also stressed the importance of networking in general with your peers and keeping yourself updated on what's going on around you.  I also realized that time is quickly approaching for me to figure out exactly what I want to do with the rest of my life, and this conference has in some ways made this decision both more concrete and more fluid.

This conference made me realize more than ever before that I would love to be an MD/PhD, and as of this point in time, I'm 99% positive that this is what I am striving for, that this is my ultimate academic goal.  This conference also made me realize that I'm in a competitive position, as far as applications for this program, though of course there is still much room for improvement.  I'll do the best I can to change those factors and make my resume more solid.  And the final thing I realized at this conference is that the next decade of my life will be a long, difficult, and draining experience--emotionally, physically, and mentally.  This is despite the fact that there are certain roadblocks directly standing in the way of my future success.  (I'll write more about this, when I get the chance.)

Overall, ABRCMS in Phoenix, Arizona was a good experience, and though the environment was pretty boring, I must admit, I still had an awesome time, seeing what's out there, making new connections, and strengthening the ones I already have.  With that said, I still have to say that the not-so-exciting atmosphere and the long, hectic days caused me to become homesick veeery quickly, and by the second night, I was already wishing I was home.

As we flew back to Los Angeles, I took the window seat.  The flight was only a little more than an hour, and so as I busied myself during the flight, my eyes occasionally wandered over to the window to check for city lights.  The first few times, all I saw were specks of light, scattered in an ocean of pitch black.  Finally, our plane began its descent.  Oh, to see the twinkling lights of Los Angeles felt like an early Christmas in my heart!  I was home, though not on the ground yet, I was home, and my heart knew it.  I looked at everything and savored the moment, a breath-taking overview of Los Angeles County, from the residential homes to businesses and even to the freeways (and traffic).  Ever since my family immigrated from the Philippines to America, Los Angeles has always been my home, and this trip has made me realize more than ever that this is where my heart truly finds peace and rest.  I love this city, and no matter where life or my career takes me, Los Angeles will always ultimately be home to me.  There's no place like home... there's no place like LA!

Note to Self #1

Wake up, wake up... 

Stop living in a Dream World.

[It's time to face reality.]

Imperfections to one, perfection to another

I had to post this video.  I just had to.  It was so heartfelt, so simple, yet so powerful.  It's worth the few minutes out of your time, trust me.  Don't take anyone for granted, even the little things, no matter how seemingly insignificant.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mx9ocubowMs

I hope to one day find my perfectly imperfect one...

Pretty awesome Saturday...

All-you-can-eat Indian buffet (Happy-Almost-Birthday Tita Jenny!)

Recording covers with Jerah ("It Might Be You," and "Use Somebody")

Learning/practicing guitar ("Fifteen")

Hanging out at home with some cool people

Knott's Scary Farm with Wuv Wuv

= 

:]

Song of the Day: "Fifteen"

Before I begin, I'd like to remind you that this is my blog, and I have the right to post whatever I want to post, so if you're reading this and you're part of that little "posse" that just wants to cause drama, you might as well click out of this window.  Now.  Because I don't want any.  I have better things to do with my time.  Thanks.

Aaalrighty...

Sooo a few days ago, a friend of mine (Hi Choo Choo!) introduced me to this song and it reaaally spoke directly to my heart.  This is one of the few times I will pause to reflect on my past relationship on this blog.  I remember how it used to be... the "good ol' days," so to speak.  I remember the flirting, the way he asked me to be his girlfriend, the first time we said I love you, planning our wedding, planning our future together, naming our kids (yes, I know, I know...).  And I also remember not fighting for the first year, at all.  Ironically enough, the fights broke out immediately after that.  I remember the hurt, the pain, the anger and animosity, the way we broke up, then got back together when we probably shouldn't have, and the way we finally broke up but just could not let go.  I remember crying on the phone, talking to my best friends, the sleepless nights, tossing and turning.  I remember the two of us saying we would wait patiently for each other, and a few days later, I remember him leaving me behind, telling me he feels "no emotional attachment" to me anymore.  

I would wish that I heard this song when I was fifteen, but then again, I probably would not have listened anyway.  In fact, the voices of those around me resonated this song, in essence, and yet I didn't listen.  I thought I knew better.  Everyone around me treated it like "oh, it's your first relationship.. chances are, he's not gonna be the One."  Well, to me, it really felt that way--the naivety of youth, I suppose?  I guess we have to make mistakes in order to rise above from them.  What is it about that romantic idea of love that has us thinking this relationship will stand the test of time, no matter what anyone else says--"you and me against the world" mentality?  I love him, he loves me, that's all that matters, that's all we need.  Ha!  That was a great day of understanding when I realized love just isn't enough.  Love's a multifaceted thing, and should one facet fail, it must be tended to and mended, lest the entire thing suffer because of it.  The 15-year-old me is no longer here.  She's grown up, and she knows better now.  The almost-20-year-old me is a stronger young woman because of it.  

And yet, I must admit, to this day, it's still a struggle, and I imagine it will continue to be a struggle to keep my heart in check, to guard it diligently and yet be open and aware of its feelings too.  As with all things, I suppose, it's a balancing act.  Be still, my heart, and beat only for the one who's heart also genuinely beats for you.  The wounds have healed, yet the scars remain.  I don't care what other people think or say, but I've moved on, and those who reaaally know my heart know that's the truth.

"Fifteen," by Taylor Alison Swift, with lyrics.  Enjoy and comment!

From "Katorse"

I was watching the Tagalog teleseries, "Katorse," and this quote was spoken at the end of the episode.

"Pag-ibig na pinaninindigan, kaya ba nilang panagutan?"

Ohhh maaannnn, that's deep.

Day 7: Kasey and Marina

These two... hmm let's see.  It's always a point of argument, the way we all became friends.  I don't quite remember why, but I know I was friends with Kasey first, I think because we were in Stemp Lab together.  Kasey was already friends with Marina, and we were all in Organic Chemistry.  I think it was actually through helping each other in that class that we became close.  Ahh, the way OChem brings people together *tear* it's beautiful... and that's how our little trio formed!

We all have such different and unique personalities that it's really interesting to see the dynamics of our conversation when we all come together.  Most times, two of us agree on something, while the other disagrees.  I remember in the very beginning, Marina and I used to never agree on anything, it was amazing how we even became friends, and yet we were.  It's gotten a lot better now--we seem to have found much more common ground since then.  Interestingly enough, all of us are hugsy people, but for some reason, we didn't hug each other at first.  Like, it was really pretty awkward the first time.  We're strange, guys.  Kasey and I first hugged at the airport in Salt Lake City because our flight was delayed.  Marina was left out of the hug, so we reenacted it once we got back.  Why was it so awkward at first, guys?!?!  I don't understand?!?!  

Kasey is outgoing and laid-back, but can also be brutally (and amusingly) honest.  Don't mess with Kasey!  Kasey, I'm reaaaaally sad you're graduating this year... why are you leeeaving?!?!  We'll miss you!  Marina is such a character, witty and feisty, with many colorful facets to her.  Marina, I love how you name everything, and I mean eeeverything--Chester the HPLC, Benjamin the Lab, oh you're so funny!  I looove these ladies!  Both are examples of inner and outer beauty, gifted minds, good hearts, great personalities.  Kasey, Marina, we've all been through so much these years, and I want to thank you both for your friendship, the study/panic/frustration sessions, the memories of Genetics Lab, OChem, random moments in Stemp Lab... I guess it's like we're each other's "buffers," y'know, the shock-absorbers that help support each other to make sure we're all relatively sane and we all get through this together.  Gaaah, so much to say about you guys, so many little quirks and quotes and moments, but we'll leave it at that for now.  I'm glad we're all in Stemp Lab this year *ahem ahem* so we all get to travel together, woohoo!  I'm looking forward to this year and the next with you guys!  Much looove!

Day 6: Daaale

Hmm, well honestly, I didn't expect that Dale and I would be such good friends.  It was definitely a surprise, but a pleasant one!  


In April 2008, Word of Hope and a NBCC (a church from San Diego) had a joint family camp at Mile High Pines.  I'll have to admit, I was too preoccupied with my own youth group and my boyfriend at the time to really get to know anyone from the other group.  (Yes, yes, I knooow...)  Of course, we were all briefly introduced, so we all kiiinda knew each other, by name and face, at least, so basically that's how we first met.  We didn't really hang out or interact with each other much at all that weekend, but shortly after camp, Dale and I became friends on Facebook.  It was one of those kinda things where you added them because you know them, but you don't really knooow them, y'know?  We didn't talk after that, but I do remember that he greeted me for my birthday last year, which was totally unexpected and spontaneous.  I don't exactly remember how we started talking regularly after that... just through Facebook chat, I guess, and soon enough, as texting buddies too.    And for his birthday, I called to greet him at midnight in what turned out to be about a two-hour call... not bad for a first convo, hmm?  What's strange about our friendship is we've only ever seen each other face to face twice, since we live hours away from each other.  But I don't think that matters, because what does matter is the friendship itself, right?


Dale, I'm glad we got to know each other.  I guess you just never really know exactly when and how strangers become friends, hmm?  You're laid-back, funny, and yes, you're a pretty soft-hearted and sensitive guy.  It was surprising how easy it was for us to warm up to each other and be comfortable about having the occasional long, in-depth, late-night conversation about life, love, faith, random facts, and whatever else comes up.  Why is it that we can help others, but we can't seem to help ourselves???  You're a great person to talk to, not just about problems and stuff, but just in general, because you've mastered the art of conversation, and you're pretty spontaneous, I'd say.  I have so much respect for you, especially for entering a life of faith and choosing to go into the ministry.  More power to you!  Just wanted to take this opportunity to thank you for your friendship, and know that whatever you're feeling right now, whatever you're going through, you're not alone!  I got your back, and I know you got mine too! 


P.S. I think it's cute how you get all protective of me haha (aww)
P.P.S. You're waaay overdue for a visit, by the way!

Dream Diary #3

Oopsies!  So much for blogging everyday... oh well, life happens!  It's been a terribly crazy past two weeks, and I'm looking forward to our 4-day weekend (aka midsemester break, woot!) this weekend!  We deserve it, thank you very much!  Oh so much to do, papers, projects, research symposiums and such... the panic-driven rush to get things done that is quintessential to college life.  Alright, alright, enough chit chat, let's get to the dream.

Yesterday night, I had a dream that someone was proposing to me.  It was very casual, we were hanging out, sitting at a table, and he pulls out this enormous, cartoon-like ring (not enormous as in diamond size, I mean enormous, as in the ring was as big as a donut).  He reached out to me across the table and was handing me the ring.  He was asking me to wait for him until we both finished college, as if the ring was a promise to maintain our relationship until then.  I saw an identical ring on his finger, and I noticed two rings on mine, one on top of the other.  Some other stuff happened, but I can't remember.  The end.

That's the most recent dream I've had, although now that I'm blogging about it, I do realize I've had a strange one also last Monday night/Tuesday morning.  From Monday to Tuesday last week, I only slept for one hour, feverishly trying to write a paper (oh procrastination, you've done it again).  In one of the three 30-minute naps I took, I had this dream.

I dreamt I was sleeping on my bed, just the way I actually was sleeping.  I was tossing and turning, then all of a sudden, I feel my body lift off the bed, and as I open my eyes, my world started spinning and swirling around me.  My body was floating and revolving in every direction, and as I did so, I dipped down to the floor, then as I was just about to fly right through the window, my alarm woke me up.  The end.  With this dream, I got the sense that it was the end of the world and I was trying to make my way outside of my building.  It was such a trippy yet unique sensation, the feeling of weightlessness and flying.  Hmm...

Anywhooo, I should actually get to sleep right about now.  For the people I've appreciated between Days 6 to 13, I'm terribly sorry I'm lagging on the blog updates!  I promise I'll get to them, hopefully at some point this weekend... midsemester break, woot!  Toodles!

Day 5: Happy birthday Dad!

Sooo I've realized that blogging everyday is pretty tough... but I'm sticking to it! (at least for this month!)  I know I'm writing this a day late, but better late than never!  And this is one blog entry of appreciation that must be made.

For every blog I've done so far, I've talked about how that special person entered my life.  In this case, I was the one who entered his life.  Happy birthday, Dad.  I know this blog is a day late, but I really wanted to write about you.  I know you and I have not always been on good terms, and it's been a hard transition ever since Mom passed away.  Thank you for being such a caring and loving husband to Mom, even to the very end.  You were so devoted to her, and there is no doubt in my mind that you love her with all your heart and still do.  Thank you for being a great dad to Trix and I.  Growing up, I know we didn't have everything we want, but you always made sure we had everything we need.  You work so hard to provide us with the kind of life you want us to have, and I thank you for that.  

I know with everything that's been going on lately, life has been tough for our family, especially since we're so far apart.  I just want to encourage you and Trix to never give up, never lose hope, and never lose faith.  I think it's great that you've decided to go back to school... don't let anyone discourage you or make you think you can't do it!  I believe in you, dad!  School's tough, I should know, but you just have to keep trying, keep working hard, and it will pay off in the end.  I wish our family could have been together for our birthdays this year.  I know it's a hard adjustment.  I pray that everything gets better soon... all of these trials and hardship will end someday, dad.  I pray that you have a healthy, blessed, prosperous, and happy year ahead.  I can't express how much I really miss you and Trix.  I love you both so, so much.

Day 4: Wuv Wuv

Ahh... Honors English in Mrs. Hatfield's class. I remember this quiet boy sat behind me... didn't talk to him all that much. We were assigned a group project and given Act 5 of Romeo and Juliet to perform... y'know, the one with all the dying scenes? Quiet boy was in my group, along with two other girls. Needless to say, he was our Romeo. You know, I don't quite recall how we became close friends after that, but by sophomore year, he became one of my best friends. By then, he wasn't as quiet anymore, and he sat behind me again in AP European History... tends to happen when our last names are "Perez" and "Quintana." Oh how we both loved Mrs. Rosann Graff... we had another group project together, where we made a board game out of AP Euro trivia, and it was pretty spectacular, if I do say so myself! And together with Claire Bear and I (see previous post), not-so-quiet boy also took the crazy ridiculous hardcore nerd-like over-achieving leap of faith into the unknown black hole of academic torture that is the International Baccalaureate diploma program... death.

So our school has a senior marriage project, and during our freshman year, I thought, "HA! That would be oober funny/weird if we end up married." Lo and behold, senior year comes. We took the marriage class over the summer since us cool nerds didn't have room for it in the regular school year. I literally go to the restroom, not knowing what they're about to do, and when I got back, our Vocations teacher tells me I now have two husbands. Uhh yay? I was "married" to Nathaniel Quintana and Joshua Tang. We then take a compatibility test, and to our horror and disbelief, we were ridiculously compatible, around 90-something percent??? How does that happen?!?! Oh the irony... The thing is, Nathan and I function on a love-hate basis... I don't know how it started or why, but that's just how it is. The joke is, he won't let me "divorce" him, even after the project was done. (Maybe by now, he'll let me? haha) Seven years later, here we are, still essentially the same, just as random, nerdy, silly, and lovingly hateful to each other as ever...

Wuv wuv, though it pains me so, I must say I... I... L... OVE... Y... OU... *dies*

Okay, just kidding. I think you just might be the one person who brings out the silliest, nerdiest, most random, most wickedly sarcastic side of me. (...is that a good thing? lol) Underneath all the devious plotting and creative attempts to kill each other, you know I love you and I thank God for bringing you into my life. We have yet to go on a real, real adventure though! Let's dooo it! My fellow Harry Potter fan/science nerd/random trivia person/adventure buddy/dessert EQUAL sharer person... still waiting on that invite from Hogwarts, by the way! You're a pretty amazing writer, very good with words, and occasionally, you surprise me when you say something that makes me go O_O. You're a genuinely awesome guy, a rare find these days (except you're also a jerk, lol jk)! YOU WILL GET THROUGH OCHEM, I PROMISE! Thank you, thank you, thank you for being there for me always, especially when I have my moments, and you know I'm always here for you too! You, me, and Claire Bear--let's all grow old together! AYEHARJOO WUV WUV! <3

Dream Diary #2

I can't believe this is only my second dream diary entry... I've had so many interesting dreams, but I guess I've felt a little silly posting them here... So here goes, I'll be describing several dreams...

So about two weeks ago, I have this dream where I spent an entire carefree, romantic day with this certain someone. We went places, laughed, teased, enjoyed each other's company, and we went back to a studio apartment. The entire dream felt warm, comfortable, and familiar. It's unclear whether it's his place or mine. And we talked and playfully chased each other around the room, then we hugged. It's about mid-afternoon by this time. With a smile still on our faces and in our hearts, we lied down to take a nap (no, nothing more than that, I promise), and we fall asleep in each other's arms. The end.

About three days later, almost the identical dream, with a few subtle changes. I still spent an entire carefree, romantic day, but with a different certain someone. We still went places, laughed, teased, and enjoyed each other's company, and we still went back to a studio apartment, although this time I knew it was his place. It still felt warm, comfortable, and familiar. The same exact scenario happened, we hang out for a while, and around mid-afternoon, we lied down to take a nap (and nothing more), falling asleep, smiling in each other's arms. The difference is, with the first dream, our heads were facing away from the windows. In this dream, our heads were faced to the windows. The end. Same dream, just a flipped position, different someone... interesting. Any ideas, interpretations?

And then these ones, I just remember bits and pieces from my dreams, but they're pretty weird too. About a week ago, I dreamt I was at a huge party, somewhere I've never been to. I felt awkward and went to the restroom, and there I found someone who used to be a friend of mine, sitting in one of the stalls with a deranged look on her face and holding a can of tuna?!?! Someone opened the can of tuna, and I cut her arm with the sharp cover, and she was bleeding. I left the restroom, and a hitman was coming to kill me, but thankfully one of my closest friends from school was waiting for me by a train station to help me out. The end.

The last one is pretty short because I could only remember one part of it. I was at a party again, though it's a much smaller one, and one of the moms that I knew came up to me wearing this bright, royal blue dress, saying how much she missed seeing me around. Then she began to convince me that she was pregnant, and as the dream progressed, her belly protruded more and more, until she looked fully pregnant. The end.

Sooo that's worth four separate dream entries right there... I don't even know if anyone reads these silly dreams of mine... I have a fascination for dreams and their meanings, so for me, these dreams are interesting to ponder...

Day 3: Guevara Bears

Hmm, so thinking back to my freshman year of high school, I remember two of my closest friends at the time telling me about their mutual friend, Claire, from middle school. You know how you form some sort of idea of how someone looks like based on how people talk about them? Don't ask me why, I don't know exactly, but for some reason, I had this image in my head of Claire being this short, chubby band girl, with braces and glasses. Yeaaah... so when I got the chance to meet Claire in person during the summer before sophomore year, needless to say, I was more than surprised. She looked nothing like the image in my head!

We quickly became friends, and within a matter of a few months, we've become pretty close. At the end of sophomore year, like the super rock star over-achievers we are, we made the crazy decision to jump into the diploma program for International Baccalaureate together for our junior and senior years, and boooooy was THAT an interesting roller coaster ride, remember ALL that! *shakes head* Six years later, here we are, still the best of friends.

Claire Bear, we've helped each other sail through some pretty rough waters in both our lives and continue to do so today. I hold your friendship very dear to my heart, and I couldn't ask for a better friend. You are one of the most beautiful people, inside and out, that I've had the privilege of having in my life. Thank you for keeping me on track, love! It's an interesting journey, watching these lives of ours unfold, isn't it? You're always gonna be my crazy, weird, funny, awkward-like (sometimes), intellectual, baller Latina sister (and more)! You're so creative and artistic and both artistically, musically, and vocally gifted! You're most definitely a blessing to me and such a positive influence in my life. College is crazy, crazy, crazy, and I just want to remind you that you are INCREDIBLE and absolutely 100% capable of KICKING MAJOR BUTT and that we'll look back on these tough years someday and realize how far we've come. JOO CAN DOO EET!

And Momma Bear! I'm sure you know by now that I look up to you as a role model of a true, self-made, strong, opinionated modern woman. You always, always, always say things that make me go "WHOA, I've never thought of it that way!" Thanks for taking time to listen to my rants, life stories, and whatnot and following my blog! (I never really think anyone's reading these random things in my head haha) You're an amazing woman, wife, and mother. You and Papa Bear have raised a beautiful, intellectual, warm-hearted family. Papa Bear, you're a loving husband and father to your family, and you remind me it is possible to find a good man out there these days! No need for E-harmony, right? Brother Bear, I miss you, Pascal! Woohoo that you're graduating this year! Time sure flies... I remember it seems just like yesterday you were a wee little freshie at Amat!

I didn't realize until recently that I actually call all of you "bears," which is appropriate I think, because you guys give me a warm and fuzzy feeling inside. Thank you for welcoming me into your lives and into your hearts... May God bless all of you for being such a great, great, great blessing to me! Mucho, mucho, mucho amor... AYEHARJOO! <3

Day 2: Seastar

I was the firstborn of my parents, the first grandchild my grandparents got a chance to spoil, and the only child in the house, surrounded by my parents, my grandparents, my uncle, and one or two maids. I remember telling my parents on several occasions that I wanted a little brother or sister, but by the time I was six or seven, I gave up on the idea. Lo and behold, it was around that time my mom became pregnant! Nine months later, on April 26, 1997, my mom gave birth to our little bundle of headache... I mean, of joy (just kidding Trix!). I've gotta say though, welcoming this little stranger into our lives was a huge change for me, especially within the first few months. (Yes, yes, I was jealous, fine...) But looking back on that now, I wouldn't have it any other way!

I never knew what a great blessing it was to have a little sister until she actually came. I helped take care of her when she was a baby, and when our mom passed away, I helped raise her as well. We fight, we annoy each other, we argue, but then again that's just part of being siblings, right? I love my little seastar with all my heart. She really is the love of my life.

Twelve years later, I've watched her grow from a baby, to a little girl, to a young lady. She warms my heart and makes me smile (most of the time... just kidding again Trix haha) I'm so proud of my little one... such inner and outer beauty radiates from her, and let not her cute, small, well-dressed interior fool you. Inside, you'll find the heart of a lion and the soul of a conqueror, with a mind and maturity beyond her years. I can't express how much I love you, sis. I know these are tough times for our family, but we'll get through it together! Nothing, no one, and no distance could set our hearts apart. I waited almost eight years for you, and you were definitely worth the wait. I can't imagine life without you, sis! I miss you so very, very much. I laaavs you seastar! <4

It's October, yes! Day 1: God

There's been quite a bit of negative energy lately, and to shake it off and transition back to my optimistic, cheerful self, I've decided to do something a little different. October is my birthday month, and most years, I spent the entire month waiting in patient anticipation for the final day of October, knowing it will bring a flood of warm greetings. This year, though I still look forward to that, I've decided to appreciate the wonderful people around me, a different person or group of people every single day. God has blessed me with so many wonderful reasons to smile, so many people that make life such a fun, exciting, and joyful experience despite any storm that comes. This month, this October, I'd like to honor and appreciate these people. I realize there really are not enough days in the month for everyone I want to thank, but I'll do my best to fit everyone in! Please don't get offended if I don't mention you... You should know the impact you are making on my life, whether or not I dedicate a day to you, right?

So I'm actually playing catch-up now, since it's the 2nd day of October. Yesterday, since it was the first, I thanked God, first and foremost for giving me such a colorful, dynamic, purposeful life. I wouldn't trade it with anyone else's, though the waters may get rough at times. He really is the source of everything, and no words could fully, fully express my gratitude and love for Him. Dad, thank You for my life, for the opportunity to go to such a wonderful school, for the many, many, many warm-hearted (and even the not-so-warm-hearted) people that you've brought into my life. Thank You for my family, for my very very extended family, for Your promises, for the blessings, provisions, and favor You continue to shower upon me, and for this hope, this fire, this determination to live. Thank you for sending Your only Son to die for my sins. Thank You for molding me into the person You want me to be. Use me to bring glory to Your Name. I offer my life unto You, to follow Your will. I never want to let You go. I love You, first and foremost, Dad.

Song of the Day: "None but Jesus"

One particular verse of this song caught my attention..

In the chaos, in confusion

I know You're Sovereign still

In the moment of my weakness

You give me grace to do Your will

Why this verse? To me, it's a great reminder that no matter what storms may come, even though you might not have any sort of control over the situation, God does. Any way you flip it, turn it, shake it, spin it, God is sovereign over all. You may not have any idea what's going on or what's going to happen, but trust that God does, and always, always, always, He is in control. Isn't that amazing?

And in those times when you personally feel drained and weak, ask for God's grace to pull you through and get you through the rough times. Trust in God's promise in John 14, "You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it." In His Name and for His glory, we could ask for anything--not just some things, but anything--and He will do it. The thing is, sometimes we get impatient. This is not in our time but in God's time.

Take it all from me

Go ahead. Take that, that, and even ALL of that. That's what you want, right? Gotta be the best, in control, on top... always. It's all good. Looks may be deceiving and what seems like a strong, fortified wall may be nothing more but a vulnerable, fragile facade. You need this more than I do. LLMO

Someone once told me people come into our lives for a reason and a season. Oh, the sheer irony. Dad, what would You have me do? You know my heart, fully and completely, and you know how I feel. Is this not enough? Must I press forward in a new direction or stay on this road? Here I am, standing at what feels like my breaking point. Yet You've brought me here before, Dad. I feel that I'm at my wit's end, that my heart could bear this no longer, yet You show me I'm capable of more, that there is more to me than that, that I am stronger than I believe myself to be. Will You hold my hand yet again and show me Your will? Is this the end of this chapter and the beginning of a new one, or must this chapter continue despite the struggles I encounter? So many questions, but the answers are so few. All I really know is I depend on You.

It's about time, hmm?

Recently I thought to myself, hey, how come I never add pictures to my blog? Well, here goes then! Not so many thoughts tonight, just thought I'd try this out. These are a few pictures of the views from the college I attend. This school is, without a doubt, a mind-blowing blessing in disguise. This is my home on the weekdays, my "hilltop prison," I sometimes call it (especially on particularly stressful weeks). These views are pretty amazing though, I'm not gonna lie. On clear days and especially at night, standing in front of the Chapel, you could see all the way from the horizon of the Pacific Ocean to the city lights of downtown LA and beyond. I'm proud of my school, and I really have found my niche here. Without further ado, enjoy!

A sunset view on a cloudy day from the west side of the campus, by the cafeteria patio.

A view of the Getty Center from the east side of the campus. On a clear day, downtown LA and beyond is visible.

The Circle, the heart of the campus. City lights are visible behind the buildings.

LOL in mid-prayer?

Alright, alright, that was wrong... so here's what happened...

Our family sat down to discuss John 14:5-14 tonight, and afterward, as was our practice, we prayed together also. I have my personal study when I'm at school, so I enjoy these rare times when I get to actually sit down with everyone and talk about the Word of God.

Tonight, I was asked to pray, and as I asked around for prayer requests, one particular one came up that made me smirk. Yup, that's right, smirk. Reaaally now? You want me to pray about thaaat? Mkay, if you say sooo... I began to pray sincerely for all the requests made, leaving that particular one for last because I didn't know how to approach it... Then there I was, done praying for all the rest but this one... Ohh boy, here goes... A smile creeps up across my face and I tried to stifle my laugh, my sarcasm, my own sentiments... (P.S. If it's not already apparent, I'm quuuite a sarcastic person in general, so you see the struggle here...) So basically, I LOL in the middle of prayer, and right afterward, I felt that I had to rebuke myself and switched off my own thoughts, my own feelings, my own emotions and focus on the need, on the request... It was a tough one to pray for, one that went against my own heart, but I did it anyway.

This just goes to show I am not perfect, though some people might think I am. I'm only human, and with that said, I'm allowed to have human emotions. Throughout your life, moments such as these will come your way. You will be asked to make a choice: to live as you want to live or to live as God called you to live? WWJD, right? There have already been so many moments in my life (especially within the past few weeks) when I've had to decide to do things my way or God's way. It's so easy to fall into the trap of using human nature as an excuse. "Oh, we're fallen creatures anyway, it's fine." Revenge, malicious thoughts, angry outbursts--these are things programmed into our humanity as reflex responses to certain situations. "I'm gonna hurt you as bad as you hurt me. I hope you suffer." These serve as proof of man's fallen nature.

But we're called to rise above our circumstances and shine our light to the world, no matter what the situation. It won't be easy. In fact, I'm finding that in most cases, we're being called to do the exact opposite of what our human nature would rather do in the first place! (Go figure, right?) But remember, God will not put you through anything you cannot handle, so if you're facing challenges, struggles, or worries today, face them with courage and perseverance, and know that you are fully capable of weathering the storms of this life. All things will be made known one day, and only God has the right to judge. He will judge fairly and completely. It's not for you to wage war with your neighbor here on earth. The battle is the Lord's, whatever may come. Live for Him, for He knows your heart, and He will defend what is truly, genuinely right.